Both You & Me

2008-05-15T20:47:00.001+08:00

haroz!
i had changed my blogg!!!!
so please got to.
www.ang3lynn.livejournal.com
for my new blogg..!!

actually i already wrote at the tag les.
but it seems that people are blind!!!! =X
no lars. just kidding. =PP
so, wont be blogging here so often. will be blogging over the other blog ba.
=))))))

2008-05-04T00:40:00.007+08:00

hey. i am suppose to spending my day with someone. =PP
but i think i rejected it. no idea why i did that but i just dont wish to go out..maybe the weather is too hot. to be exact saying he is a friend of mine. rather a close friend to me those kind who would be mistaken for my BF. BUT hes not. thats for sure. why? some would ask. cause we were too close? to be sitting down together to gossip about someone we knew rather than holding hands together walking down a street. i will not disclose who is that him as i dont think he wants me to. =)) he remains as my secret buddy. he doesnt wants to know any of my girlfriends. all he wants to know is what am i going through. nice buddy i have right? but sometimes i just have the thought, "is he Gay?" haas. hes gonna kill me if he read this post. but whatever, he cant do anything to me. XD
i got a secret weapon against him!!!! im so evil. thats what he called me too. evil little angel. no 1 calls me that in school. everyone just said angelynn is a devil!! =)) im proud to say that I AM!! isnt it good to be a devil at times, when others are all acting so angelic. which MIGHT not be them. i said MIGHT okie? not saying anyone in particular. alright. enuff of HIM! =PP im a bit side track. =/ okie..alot..=_= i admit. =((

i pushed the date with him aside, and i slept till 2 plus. im such a piGgie. =X lacking of my beauty sleep. so tried to replenish them once at a go. but i dont think that would work out well as it would just spoil my biology clock. but heck it. =)) just want to sleep, anyways who wants to stay awake at such a freaky hot weather!!! gosh!! i woke up, ate my late lunch. and i started downloading my animes. Romeo X Juliet. i had NEVER EVER watched or read Romeo and Juliet before. but i just knew that they were not supposed to fall in love with each other. but they died for each other in the end. tada~~ back to where im suppose to continue. my 2 little cousins popped in today. =)) both of them were just SO opposite of each other. 1 is SO mischievous and the other is so goody goody. i love BOTH of them!! they just brights up my day. went dinner with them, then went to Downtown east. it was newly renovated. looks damn new and cool. theres a mini-ferris wheel too!! i took the ferris wheel with the littles cousin! hes so damn excited till his hands are cold. =_= but the eldest doesnt not want to take it, saying its dangerous. LOL. and i chased him to enter. but still nono for him. the tickets for is EX!! SUPER DUPER EX!!! 6.50 bucks for each person regardless of the age!!! i would rather spent the money on ice cream and make me fat rather than to go 2-3 rounds the centre. no scenery, just looking at people eating at the nearby restaurants. =_="" my uncles treat me to it. im like pushing it away, and they just scared me with the face they got. =/ and i entered it. reminds me of my days in Genting. way up high, nice sceneries. and my friends were shaking the carriage. =_= freaked me out totally. back to the centre. went to shopp in NTUC. i bought a number of things. sweets, cereals, oatmeal porridage, choco-pie, yakults. my dad said that amount of money is gonna be deducted from my allowance!!! so BAD of HIM!!! =(( then we went back home. and my bro msg me out of no where with a new number. i thought who sia. then he said that i could stay at his new house when it is ready by september. =)) im SO HAPPY!! and i love HIM!!! he lives at woodlands so which means, i would be staying near my school and i could wake up LATE!!! i felt so thrilled after that. and he joked about me buying my own bed and closet. i said i would buy a mattress and a box to fill my clothes. XD well, i think hes aiming me to buy him a sofabed. i am just going to stay till April. and im free from my parents!! =))) but i dont think i will have much more freedom, cause my bro NAGS!! but nevermind. i love my parents. so i really do love my family. =)))))))
learn to cherish before they leaves you. =))) oh yar. Xk is gonna go NS on 16 June. so planning to give him a party like a farewell party or a miss you party. LOL. nah. just a gathering ba. and to take photos. see whether he slims down after NS. =PP kiddding.~
shall talk about my labor day outing. which is to ECP!! not the expressway. but to East Coast. =))
went there with WL and LingLing. cause the rest just PS-ed me. but this kind of things happens always. so im IMMUNE to it. =)) no worries. had a great outing today, as i fulfilled my needs to go to the beach! wanted to shout out to the sea but too many people looking. i will shy dess.. =X we took photos and looked at the sea. feel the breeze. just felt GREAT!!! esp with friends like LingLing and WL. we then walked on the beach, i dont really felt like making my feet wet, cause im wearing slippers, but was persuaded to walk on the waterside. =)))) had difficulties walking properly on the waterside. with the water splashing on to your feet while walking.

the elmo me. =))))))))

dumb face in the middle. =PPP

alrite. im FAT. i admit. =((( im trying to slim down now. so bear with me now.
and thanks LingLing for the photo edits. =))

love this pic. =))))))
Left= ChuChudarling.me.LingLing=Right

stay happy always. =))

2008-04-28T13:36:00.008+08:00

we called him Xiao Zhu! =)) cute right? love it!! *mUacks*

haven been in form these few days. is either always shag or just emo. gosh. i really hate myself when i EMO! but nowadays, is alright lar. been like sickly these few days recently. Zzz. but still able to get up early for school. and im SICK of FAST FOOD!!!! *vomits* stop eating FAST FOOD!! you will get FATTT!!!! okie? =)) im saying for your good! =)) so please take note!! okie. next!! is me damn frustrated for my FYP! i just think i sucks!! i totally had no idea what am i doing. =(( feel like crying out. no idea what i had to do and what i am supposed to do. but nvms. i shall try harder at the meeting later to understand what i have to do. =/ okie. next!! i got my color lenses! at first my mum was against it, but in the end she just says forget it. keke. no idea why. its just color, and i got GRAY!! not too obvious nor too normal. =)) thats what i think btw. if you have any comments, just write it at the tag board or just shuddup alright? =D oh, i went BBall-ing with Bitch!! lolx. YEAP. i called her BITCH! and she called me that too. it all started when i started to call her basturd and she corrected me, saying she is female. therefore! i called her Bitch! lolx! some people might find it offensive. but we both know its just jokingly. =)) we had a good talk after we played BBall. somehow after a while, i find it enlightening for some matters. that is DONT THINK TOO MUCH. =D maybe i should shuddup for some matters. =)) then i went to her house to wash up. and we decided to catch a movie. which is........

HANSEL and GRETEL!!! Bitch was covering her face for some parts. which crack me up! =X but it was a bit saddening at the end. =(( im tearing. cause the person deserves to DIE!!! the girl is so cute, and yet Bitch says its scary. LOL. so amusing!! then i went back home after we had our dinner at Banquet. =))

and this is the outing on Sunday!! =)) doing a good deed!!

i chose the color. =))
its Gay. BUT its HAPPY!! =D
and sadly, Peck cant donate, cause her veins are clotted up. =((
and she was poked for 3 times!
Poor Peck~ *sayang*
then Peck's mum fetch us back to Tamp.
Thanks Auntie!! =))
we checked the timing for the following show.

THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM!!!
its a NICE show!
we had nice snacks too.
we had salted pop-corn and Nachos! i only eat Nachos from GV.
but we finished the Nachos before the movie started. =((
cause mookie bought it too early. LOL
enjoyed the movie. funny at some parts. =)) the fighting part is cool.
the Little Swallow is beautiful~~ and i had 1 conclusion after watching the show.....
that is JET LI and JACKIE CHAN english CMI!!! LOL!!
then Peck going her grandma house to makan le. so me and mookie went home.
on the way home, saw piGgie!
called him and he spotted me. we said hi, bye and we went separate ways. LOL
heard he hurt his back, so not coming for today's lesson.
take care ar uNcle piGgie!! =))

Reflecting on the past

2008-04-20T23:14:00.002+08:00

once a girl who is laughing non-stop with her friends, laughing at something which is not even funny. a girl whom thinks that she found her life-long friends, her 'BFFs'. surprisingly, which came out that they are just people who misplaced other people's trust. lost her smile, lost her long lasting laughter. people to her, are just someone to be with just to pass time with. touching the matter on trust is so forbidden for her. no idea how to face the matter, so all she did was to run away from the fact. running away to the place where no one knows what had happened. the place where it had no memories of the fact that had happened. wanted to forget the things that had happened, but memories are forever will be there not forgotten and not erased. maybe they could be a lesson for me. but would i ever learn from these lessons? i wonder. never mind. just push it aside of my mind for right now. i should move on with my life first.
talking about moving on, i thought about what am i suppose to do after i graduate. working outside for a random company as a logistics? would that work? will that last me for long? what can i apply what i learn to the company? i thought. so i decided to work damn hard for the grades! to just apply the course i want if i get the chance to the university. or at least to show my family that i am not stupid. i AM trying to POSITIVE, alright? trying so hard that i am stress till that i wish to cry out so loud. but whom can i turn to? who can i talk to? i cant face my family crying and telling them how sad i am, or how stress i am. cause i dont talk to them about all these kinds of stuff. i dont want them to worry about me. so i just shuddup in front of them. and just be a happy gurl who likes to goes to school and enjoy studying. but i think they knew what i am up to. =X friends then? whom can i trust? people whom tell me that i can trust them in the end misplace my trust. should i give them a chance? or rather a chance of possibility to get myself hurt once more. actually, frankly to me, matters that had happened will always have a crack there. so no matter how much u did after that, it would not make the crack there disappear. maybe this sounds bad, or rather sad or whatever, but this is what i believed in. so, always think of the consequences(reminding myself of it too). people do make mistakes, but how serious the mistakes they made an impact on the person plays a part too. thats what i think. i think its enough for today. a bit tired of talking all these. and i think i should talk about yesterday.
yesterday i went to vivo to take my paycheck, so i asked YenLeng,Weiliang and Tim along. but Tim is able to meet us after 6 cause he need to work. so i went along with the rest first, we went to take pay check at swenson and Mdm Glenn make fun of me. =( say i need to pay 20 bucks just to take the cheque. and Sir Asra also played along. he more fierce, he wants the whole cheque. LOL. was quite happy to see the people there. although i dont work there anymore, but memories there is fun. =)) then we went to ate Yoshinoya. ate my usual meal there, Chicken Teriyaki. Weiliang treat us drinks! cause he is LATE! yeap. then we went walking around, then went to the place where YenLeng work during the holidays. then we went to the pet safari.(i think) saw the puppies!! dammn cute!! okie!!! if i had my own house, i am so going to rear a pet! XD okie. back to the topic. we had no idea what to do, so it is either go to Sentosa or the movies. in the end, its the movies that we went. cause someone dint want to go Sentosa, say very hot. will die de. =_= we watched the Bucket List. it was draggy, im almost dozing off in the middle of the movies, but it was quite touching at the end of the movies. ='(( i cried. so sad!!!! =(( i wanted to have a Bucket List too!! =X say as if i am dying soon. keke then after the movies, Weiling went off, so left me and YenLeng to shop around while waiting for Tim. we went to Sushi Tei to eat. the food is nice, and i dint ate much of the raw food. but i saw Tim and YenLeng enjoying them. and Tim treat us lots. =)) thanks sister! =D yeah, hes the sister of the day! then after that we all took bus home, i spent my time sleeping on the bus. damn shagged after the day. but was funn. XD

New busy life.

2008-04-17T23:14:00.002+08:00

alrite. starting off with my new busy life. FYP. this 3 letters would just turn me off and freak me out. all the shitty things all come after the 2 years of slacking. most RP students knew what i meant. 2 years of slacking and then! ha ha! 3rd year is going get the hell outta you!!!!! just damn shagg after 2 meetings with the supervisor. our supervisor is called Chin Siong Sheng.(i think) i dont care. he said called him Chin. alrite, Chin. actually, hes a nice guy lar. telling us our expections of what are we going to do and so on. but we got lectured by him when we were unable to get the WBS done. =X cause we misinterpret! and HEY! we dint do nth alrite! we brainstormed and research!!! so we did still make use of our time kies! =/ 2 weeks of school had been draining me out almost 70%. gosh, how much time can i replenish with all those draining?! lack of sleep, tonnes of work to be done, topics to study for UTs. GOD!! year 3s are dying due to FYP!! now the 3 letters had been on my head since dont know when. arrghh! oh. and something to be happy about! derek ang gave me an 'A'!!!! woots! he said i was trying to speak out. and that is a good sign. and Junior was shocked that he gave me an 'A'. felt insulted. =/ haas. and he asked me how to get an 'A'. then i told him to speak up more when he asked questions loe. just that he would grade you quite highly le. and most ridiculous is!!! when i asked him whether he know how to use PPT, he hesitate for awhile and shake his head. and i gave him a ridiculous face, and he suddenly said he knew. =_= gosh! throughout todays' meeting, just looking at him and Sam, is enough to make me and Joey to laugh out in tears. Chuyun and Rosaline team was somewhere near our table, and they were looking over and laughing too. looking at the scene how my team is working along. Rosaline team was also doing some stunts. Rosaline threw Eddy(i think) flip phone. gosh. my heart jumped alittle. cause scare drop. but his flip phone really damn flip. you can just swing it open. LOL. i suppose its enough of FYP le ba. =)) lets talk about some other stuff.
oh yar. our school SLA fiesta starts le. cool! ling ling got a goodies bag for me out of nowhere. =_=
but thanks. lolx! inside got NUM voucher!! but no magazine. i want the magazine. =(( but i feel like buying CLEO. budden, its just a magazine. dont wish to spend money on magazines. cause just read only. hees. today, talked about unhappy stuff. everything i kept it short. but i really relieved that they are still there, always. although i had no idea whether the unfortunate things might happen to me anot, but im just appreciated for that moment. where you guys were. maybe it might not be anything important to you guys, but for that very moment it matters alot for me. =)) thanks! recently i was very stressed about EVERYTHING that is going on. the club, friends, outing, school work, etc. they are driving me crazy. some of you might already know why am i so stressed and being emo at certain times of the day. but if you dont know, then its okie then. =))
hmm. and i had been a good listener to my friends alrite! haas. at least i knew what was happening to them and tried to keep them moods up. but looking at them like that, just tends to look back in the past. recalled the past, just brings me back the mood. pulling me back to the place where i ran away from. maybe if i had bravely faced this fact, i might not be feeling so bad instead i would be feeling grateful.grateful that they left me for good. nar. stop thinking,Angelynn. it doesnt works good if i keep thinking on it. =)) oh yar, recently i knew how to prevent myself from being late! lols. i bet with a friend, meet 7.30am. who is late then treat a drink. i who is losing in the first place manage to get a draw!! wahaha!! and i wasnt late for my lessons either. so this kind of works, but it wont work for long cause im running out of places to eat breakfast. a bit sick of eating Mac burgers. *vomit* maybe i will just meet and not eat, maybe drink tea? *nod* i shall do that. alrite!!!!! i think enough of my 2 weeks of updates! and im going back to my FYP log book!!!!! someone just save me!!!!!!! =(((((

IM BACK!!!

2008-04-07T16:03:00.001+08:00

my blog is dead during the holidays. SO DEAD. that my past post is the end of the previous semester. quite pathetic eh. =/ so i shall just briefly say about what i had been doing during the holidays ba. first, i had been working at Swensons.(poor me. had to travel to so far to earn that amount of money) and i also worked at the IT fair. i earned much more than the 2 months that i worked at swenson. O.O imagine how much i was paid for 2 months of hard work. T.T but nvm that. i celebrated Nad and Boon birthday during march. =)) was happy celebrating with them. but the price for being happy is...... *speechless* NVM. money is earned to be spent. (what a way to console myself.=/ well, i stopped working for 1 week before sch starts. i practically just rot at home!! it was for my resting, i even asked my mum not to bother about me. just too tired to go out anymore. and no money to go out either. need to save up. =(( so i just stayed at home, watched shows that i dl and read the book that i borrowed from Sarah. and got my pay checks from Swenson and IT fair. =DD i got money for my Taiwan trip!!! so HAPPY!!! but i need money to return my bro and winnie. =(( the money need to take from my allowance. boohoo...~~~ but okie lar. the money that i took, is to buy dad a mp3, mum a HDD, myself a HDD also, shared pressies with the rest for nad and boon. woah..!! haven get pay, spent so much money le... *pengz* anyway, i blog le! so......should be updating it often lar, cause now sch starts le, should have free time then. wahaha. =DD byebye! oh..something to add. one of my colleage working at swenson, is my junior at RP!! wahaha..!!!

UPDATES

2008-01-29T16:04:00.001+08:00

long time never update le, cause previous time got some stupid problems. so now update the photos ba. lazy to type so much. =P

this sweet cost me S$4.00|- damn expensive sia!

wahaha. winnie treat me de. 2 Kinder Bueno. =D

Fish & Co. we went there on Sat night. *slurp*

our food. chips.seafood splatter.coke tonic. XD nice!

delicious ice-cream that would make me fat. =X

my dinner with Bro at Kenny Roger. XD

forgot whats the name le. =X but its nice. herbal something de.

this is what they give us at the end of the dinner. haas. gave it to mama le.

first time buying donut factory donuts. not bad. but too sweet.

i think thats all ba. now damn hungry. and we recently got a game that we played. www.viwawa.com there got wajong and Big2.5. can go there play and create ur wawa. keke.

2008-01-17T14:10:00.000+08:00

Ces’t la vie means that's life. =)

woke up once the alarm rang, bet i dint really sleep well. really sleep well yesterday, no 1 disturb my sleep and no need to go school. =P there was a meeting, but i dint attend. heard that it was canceled. GLAD that i dint went to school. wanted to recover my sleep.today wasn't a good day though, got my friend to help me buy breakfast! =D thanks! reached class not even 8am. was a little sleepy but yet i don't think that i could sleep. insomnia for 1 month! gosh, when can i ever recover from it? should i eat sleeping pills? =/ well, it was disappointment, through the day. =( the FYP team that i had thought was not the way it was. yupp, miscommunication in between the team mates. one thought we were still a team, and another thought the others had another group. no confirmation was done throughout until today, 1100+. was quite shocked and sad. to find out that actually me and Yenleng had no team in the end. but was glad that we found our teams, though we don't know the rest of the team mates but at least we had a team. me and Yenleng had to split just to form another 2 teams. Thanks to Chuyun that we found the teams. =D thanks alot! owe you 1! was a little down, and then knew that i had to go to the graduation shoot thingy. Archery was invited for it, at 5pm. and need to wear the new club tee. i think it would be a bit too big. =( later on, still have UT. haiix, need to pull myself up and stop sighing. =/

watched Coffee Prince. XD
the story is so so so so so SWEET!!!!!!!!!
Omgosh, its just so sweet~ @_@. although the guy is a little old for her, but his actions are childish and sweet. keke. =D just love the show!!! ~_~ wonder if there is someone like him entering my life. =X

2008-01-14T11:12:00.001+08:00

讓我給你愛愛願不願意
讓我給你抱抱可不可以

i am bored to death! almost dying from just an hour of sleep. Z.z i think my eyes are strained. woke up that time, my eyes are red. went for breakfast then took the bus to school with some classmates of mine. =) feeling quite nice rather than walking to school alone. having insomnia for a period of time. when can i sleep normally? =( heard that SP is inviting us to go for the competition that they are going to organize. i suppose it is around 28 Feb, a week after NTU competition. Work hard, fellas. =D i help u all jia you! i should stop all these negative thoughts, need to think positively. 哭着也过一天，笑着也是过一天，为何不要笑着过一天. Quote from 笑姑 in 黄金路. XD but is it so easy to just smile and get on with life? =)

2008-01-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

once again, not attending archery training. perhaps i had lost the motivation to move on in archery. no idea why, but thats it. its just PERHAPS. so dont question me about it, cause you will not get an answer out of me and you might get yourself irritated in the end. tired and motivateless to move on not only in archery, but in my life as well. somehow it just sort of stuck there for whatever reason i dont know. aimless, restless. too much things on my mind waiting for me to sort it out. but guess i am just running away from them and now they are all chasing me to a dead corner. >.< sometimes just wish that i am a happy go lucky person. maybe i can be, but there would still be somethings that would stop you from being one. maybe i am not bothering much about others but at least i am leading a happy life( at least a worry-less life ). guess i am changing, to a person whom i dont know who either. *sighs* dont want to get emo over such stuff eh. but things are haunting me, things are hurting me in such a way that i could almost cant take it. =( dont wish to say it out, as i think it would hurt others. but i am feeling lonely perhaps. maybe there are people who talk to me, but who are those that i can trust? a handful? all 10 fingers plus my 10 toes can also be more than those who i can trust. this world, this life of mine. how much times must i go through the same thing over and over again so that i could no longer go through those times again!? just hate that. tossing and turning on my bed, hoping that those times were just nightmares, just a horrible dream. but just me daydreaming. look through the photos when i was in year 1, many photos were taken. we were all very happy enjoying each others company. but guess what. each of us has lead our own life even though that very time we said to be together always. time just changes everything, but not everyone is leading a good life. someone like me is still hoping to live in the happy past times. thats such a bad idea to think of. Zz. right now, i am not feeling good. dont wish to say anything to anyone, just feel sad, depressed. guess no one understands me, how i feel and what i am going through. asking me the questions i could not answer, maybe its my fault that i could not understand myself either. forgive me for not understanding myself, forgive me for causing so much trouble, forgive me for being such a useless person in the world. just forgive me. i really really thought of just dying off, cause i wont think too much and wont seem to cause people misery anymore. my mind is in a whirl, a tornado, a hurricane where everythings just gets chunk together. and i am feeling the same way too. afterall, it would just be my fault. im SORRY.

2008-01-10T10:04:00.000+08:00

4 Jan - BBQ (E46B)

9 Jan - ate Japanese Pasta. =D

26 Dec - our stay in Siloso Beach XD

long time never update ler. wahaha XD
so just let the photo do the talking ba. keke.
still got 1 photo unable to upload. zzz forget it. i go home then do ba. lazy to do it now. somemore at home the laptop keep DC. make me so pek chek lar. Grrr..!!
anyway, yesterday went to watch National Treasure. wahaha. not bad, got exciting parts, got touching parts and funny parts. hehe. alot of things had been on my mind. just felt frustrated. but remembered to keep a smile on my face. =) hope that way, it would cheer me up or make me feel better. oh yar, there is a competition on 16 & 17th of Feb. Open class. 70m 122 target face. no idea want to join for the competition anot. then after the competition is our chalet. omg. everything just plump together. haix, and these few days look at my hair, abit tired of it le. so wanna get a new haircut. which is to cut it short. how short? i think will be neck-length ba. =X but dont know whether if it will suits me anot. scare i will regret it after cutting. ESPECIALLY going to a wrong salon! thats the hard decision. which salon to go so that they will know what i want. =( anyways, got time then update more ba. nothing happen much to me either. hehe =D

2007-12-15T00:58:00.001+08:00

it was taken by me during 2nd break. XD
yenleng the chipmunk and charmaine the WITCH! =X
both of them are irritating us with the cold storage song!!
lolx. it was quite fun though. wahahax.
nth happen much.
just lost all my dramas folder today. damn pissed. %#&$(#*@&@)#$*(@$
grrr...!!
nvm...shall start blogging some stuff ba.
today is the starting of holidays!!
got 3 weeks of holidays and yet we are still having our trainings.
now i seems to dread to go to training.
what happened to me?! >.<
but still hafta go to train. Zzz
the schedule is out. and we are going to have training on 26 Dec.
on the day of our family outing. so smart of it! =/
so going to die! =(
haix.... 船到桥头自然直....

2007-12-07T00:24:00.000+08:00

*drums rolling*

tata!

my new MP3!! ZEN wave. =D

its small! its light! its totally COOL! XD

this is my next target for the moment. =D

well, just want to save it. its cute! drawn by winnie's friend. =D

well, i got my early christmas present from my mummi.
damn happy! and i got B+ for my IT management!
damn happy for the day.
but something so bad spoils my DAY!
the stupid PDF thingy just couldnt show me the pictures in it.
how to study 6p like that..?! haix. and the worst is UT
was not been able to finish! =(
but whatever. its already a past tense.
then i got SORE THROAT TODAY!!
omg!! someone save me!! make me honey lemon!! and i will be grateful to u!!
haas. =P
http://library.thinkquest.org/C005545/english/psycho1.htm
see what is ur slping pose. and what kind of a person u are. keke. =)

2007-11-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

Boozzzz..!!
first of all!! want to show the family tree that i made for hrs!
haas! nice right? hey, thanks ur da jie hor! and david, im not ur da jie! ur my 大哥! haas! =P
long time never wake up early to go and have dim sum with family le
and long time never go out with brother, so dragged myself up.
went to a different place to have dim sum.
then went to bugis buy my dad stuff. then went to orchard.
it was quite draggy, and my leg is breaking when is 6 plus.
we had been walking non-stop since the morning. zzzz
oh...then some gurl from DBS gave me this candy! hee! my fav. sweet during X'Mas. *slurp*

some sweet given by some random gurl.

mum gave it to me after attending some wedding dinner. ewww..its DARK chocolate!! >.<

cream i bought to treat myself! =D

this book i saw in Popular and bought it. 1 for me 1 for mum. =)

we went to Ding Tai Fung to have dinner.
woooo~ first time i went there, so was quite curious about the food there.
my bro say the food there is quite nice.
so i chose to eat the 肉丝蛋炒饭, well....it was SUPER DUPER nice!!!
the 蛋炒饭 smells damn nice!! and the 小笼包 is DUPER!!
im so going to bring people go there eat!! when we are able to go there eat..
haas. cause its quite ex too. worth it ba. hees! =D
then its time to go back, after a day of shopping and im damn tired. zzzzzzz
got back home, online then had a conference about the chalet thingy.
dont know what to say or comment, so diam diam loe.
then kena comment keep signing in and out machiam like i want like that.
then abit bu shuang. so even more diam. =X
maybe its just me being tired ba.
on the damn bus, thinking of weird things. damn irritating.
OHHHHHH!!! something i wanted so much to update!!
I SUAN MY BROTHER EARLY IN THE MORNING! XD
i called him to name his child "Organic" in future, so his child will be worth it. XD
so damn happy i got to suan him before he suan me!!! muahahahah!!!
kies lar...tts all ba. tired tired tired. but dont feel like sleeping~
someone coax me to sleep, *plspls* =/

2007-11-19T23:00:00.000+08:00

in my room, with my room closed.
hearing the voices of parents quarrelling.
its kinda back to the days when i had my Os.
fear of hearing them quarrel.
especially without my brothers around. =(
one left the house to live with his wife, and another need to work night shift.
what should i do alone? =(
was not feeling good for the whole damn day without knowing any reason.
and yet i had to face this situation all by myself right now!
hate this feeling. hate this kind of thing.
what should i do?
how to keep my smile going on?
all i can do is put the smile to cover the sorrow that i had contained.
all i hope is that other people can bring joy to me.
and not disappointment once again.
i had enough to tolerate.
i know its life. but how can life treat me this way?
just had no idea. no idea. how life is going to be like for me.
hope that i can sleep forever.
胆小鬼抱着希望可是有人会给我希望吗?

talking to someone.
then came across the "Law of Attraction"
haas. its not a movie.
its some kind of law.
went to reseach abit on it.
finding it somehow cool.
The Law of Attraction simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about. Your dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest. But the Law of Attraction gives rise to some tough questions that don’t seem to have good answers. I would say, however, that these problems aren’t caused by the Law of Attraction itself but rather by the Law of Attraction as applied to objective reality.
Subjective reality is a belief system in which (1) there is only one consciousness, (2) you are that singular consciousness, and (3) everything and everyone in your reality is a projection of your thoughts.
then i came across this thingy..
So if you want to become an early riser (or just exert more control over your sleep patterns), then try this: Go to bed only when you’re too sleepy to stay up, and get up at a fixed time every morning.
sounds cool. haas.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/04/self-acceptance-vs-personal-growth/
thats the link. zzz
lazy to read it for now. find it cool.

2007-11-11T22:33:00.000+08:00

what should i do?
what should i do??
i just had no answer, its wrong.
when i cant come up with an answer also wrong.
whatever i do also wrong.
might as well keep quiet.
"maybe i should not ask u anything le"
thanks for saying that. really! THANKS alot!!
or maybe i should not have exist.
if i do not exist, u wont felt this way right?
what i do now, all to you is nothing.
i had been trying to answer you.
but that is all i get from you.
i'm really sorry if i never give u what u want or what u expected.
i really dont know what to say.
im speechless. TOTALLY SPEECHLESS.
hate this fucking feeling!!

2007-11-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

feeling bored.
so got myself here to update my blogg.
shoulders are damn aching.
couldn't shoot well today, so i took half-day off. =X
haas. but i trained my form.
quite some time since i had form training.
but tragic happens, my arm like got tumor cause kena hit few times. =/
but nvm. its okie. it will go off de.
hmm.. then today was quite entertaining.
as there are people who have muscles aching, therefore can't laugh too hard.
but its quite hard lar. cause i will go and disturb them. =P
quite fun, cause i dint have my turn yet. wahahaha XD

me with munchy donut cap. =P
love this pic. haas. its ORANGE!
just feel natural when looking at this picture. =X
kies lar. nth to update.
feeling empty too. =(

2007-11-02T14:34:00.000+08:00

terrible day.
things start to get bad.
what had i been doing?
i wonder what i had been doing..
things had changed so much.
happy times we spent together become terrible memories in the future.
felt useless.
being such a person, should i live happily?
do i worth to be happy?
find myself worthless.
cant do anything right. cant do anything that makes a person happy.
cant get a conversation going on. cant control my stupid temper.
cant control my mood swings. cant get over the past.
im such a person. so if you dont want to get hurt by me, dont involved with me.
cause i such a person that hurts people, cause misery to people. =(
i am not a person that would bring people happiness.
my life is in a mess. i would just make the other person life miserable.
i want to help people. but i end up making life worse for them.
maybe im not worth anyone. not vice-versa.
people(2) who were close to me, went through a lot with me could lied to me so easily.
could i trust people once again? do i have the confidence to believe that, that kind of matter wont happen to me again?
but I'm trying. but no 1 sees that I'm trying. =(
i dont know what to feel. dont know how to react.
each time when i think i find myself happy, things happened.
cant i find happiness? do i not deserve it? T.T
useless me. =(

2007-10-29T22:32:00.001+08:00

me and a bunch of monkeys at admiralty! XD

a bowl of porridge tt i cant finish. sick =(

ORANGE CHOCO!! my favv! boon bought for me! XD thanks! euu remember!

Sarah Pre-Bdae celebration. =D

a bunch of group photos at SP. =)

its been a long long time i had last updated my BLOG!!
poor bloggie! full of spiderwebs le.
somemore i sick =( zzzz
nvm. im getting better le. since i had abit of time so i shall blog a little ba.
these few days, just sick loe. LOL
no lar. intend to or rather resting for a period of time le.
stop going for training for a period of time.
for the sake of my foot and right now since im sick le.
might as well start from now le. =/
oh yar. and the results for the Pol-ite.
LOOK!!

my Zhu Papa and Zhu Mui WON for their very first com! XD
the metal girls team and standard girls team won a 3rd position in Pol-ite. =)

above: Minnie, Hwee Min, Wen Xuan ( Standard Class)
belowe: Me, Winnie, Roziana ( Metal Class )
and for all the Archers! WELL DONE!!! =) although its a bit much too late lar. =X
its my first time winning a com. =) so happy.

this is the medal. cool right?! ^^V
but due to some other reasons, dont know want to be sad or happy. haas. =X

my burnt red face. and my team mates for the Pol-ite.
then next was to update tt we drank somewhere near khatib and yishun there.
keke. it was quite fun tt day lar. i almost got addicted to having those kind of organising. XD
hmm..not so much to update lar. =/
just normal life loe. not emo-ing anymore
nor thinking about alot of things le.
not going to a such a fool that i was before.
assholes and basturds do exist, even they were once ur very close friends.
memories are erased. no. not erased. rather hid behind the lock tt i had locked up.
things were never be the same. and i chose tt way.
cause this way, i would be happier. than both of you!!
whatever!! not going to be bother by u all. =P do whatever u all want. =P

2007-10-04T01:18:00.001+08:00

these few days nv update wors.
too lazy to update.
so yar.
right now also lazy to update.
just here to spend my time off
without emo-ing
these few days, just keep kena bully by juniors.=_=
like what minnie says, life wasted.
but its not exactly wasted. as least u all did get some fun right?
haas and i did a good deed. but dont get me injured during the fun process kies?
ooo..and welcome back Junior~ long time no see!!
just thinking of somethings when i said something to Junior
zzzzz...
too much things to think of.
now headache le. =_=
nvm..just let it be. too sad, too tired, too........to think about anything. =(

sometimes..sometimes...

2007-09-25T19:40:00.001+08:00

this is the song that is played in this post. its nice.
found it today. so decided to post it up. enjoy this is the lyrics. ^^

Always On Your Side - Sheryl Crow

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
To afraid to hear the world's I'd always feel
Leavin' you with all the questions all these years

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No, it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be?
no, this isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away,
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wandering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side?

wee wee~ update update all at one go!~~
today intend to wake up early to go sch zzz de
but hehes. keep on snoozing then woke up at 6.30
then reach the bus stop at 6.55, wait for the toopid bus until 7.05.
waste my time nia, lucky the bus still a bit empty when i board it.
if its full ar, i will be sure damn pek chek de. haas. but lucky lucky!!
then walked to sch, then saw kuan huat at the entrance of sch.
then walked together lorx. also catch up abit. haas. he got alot of lab sessions.
wahahax. lucky me dont have. muahahax. XD
got into class, and found out that i dint bring my laptop battery to sch.
smart me. =_=" then nvm loe. got charger can le..keke
faci today end first meeting early, so me and Apple decided to go makan first.
later go back class then chiong finish. muahahax. then first time eat sch breakfast set.
haas. the egg like got milk de smell, almost puke.
nvm. the following lyrics from a song called Never Let You Go. by Janice Wei Lan.

The rain just never seems to bring
The joy I feel the same.
Everlasting pain of my loss remains.

My heart cant seem to learn to part
The hold you left you mark.
All that I dreamed of now it seems so stark.

Though I told myself wont hold my breath
a part of me was dying.
There is nothing left for me to do now.
But give in.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would sing to you and tell you I wont
Live my life without you.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes.
And you know Id never let you go.

The way you left me on the train.
I dont know what to say.
I remember everything of that day

I cant believe wed never dance
I just need one more chance
To share the sunset our one last romance

Though I told myself wont hold my breath
a part of me was dying.
There is nothing left for me to do now.
But give in.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would sing to you and tell you I won’t
Live my life without you.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes.
And you know Id never let you go.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would sing to you and tell you I wont
Live my life without you.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes.
And you know Id never let you go.

this one nice song horx...haas. ^^ okie lar. i think thats all for today ba...
nowadays, im just so life-less. after school go home... >.<
but nvm lar, can rest also. wahahax. XD

2007-09-25T14:37:00.000+08:00

woohoo!!
long long never update le worx!!
time to clear clear abit... hehes~!
hmm.. lets say about sunday?
sunday i went out in the afternoon.
went to bugis, Sim Lim
then went to orchard. eat ice cream! ^^
yumm yummy...~~~
then went to kembangan to meet Sarah before meeting the rest.
but who KNOWS! they pang seh us!! hMph! =/
then me and Sarah have to find our way to East Coast Park.
on our way there, we recalled the memories when we went to ECP during Sec days.
took the bus, it was different from before. the people are also different le.
we grew up le, time passes. this time, last time was 6 of us, but now its just 2 of us.
kinda sad. and we dint contact each other as often le except for the few.
soon, we reached ECP, then found out that our pit is right at the very other end.
zzzz we complained as we walked. lolx! it was fun though.
we talked, chatted, crapped. funx funx! some time for us to talk to each other about our lives.
walked, we walked, carried on walking.... FINALLY~!
saw someone familiar infront of us while eating ice-cream which we just bought nearby our pit.
its them...them..the guys who pang seh us!!
haas. =P niways, just saw the rest of the guys the other time.
but this time round, saw Wei Quan, Johnie and Telvin.
and that YEE XIAN KANG!!!!!!!! YOU WANT TO DIE ISIT?!
2 TIMES!!! U PANG SEH US 2 TIMES!!! U MIGHT AS WELL GO BANG WALL LAR!!!
*whuu* okie..continue my post. hehes. ^^
then we started to start the fire, but sadly we are poor fire starters.
haas. we spent an hour doing it. so im tired of waiting and sat down and drink water. =P
then i went to marinate the chicken wings. stunt right? last minute marinate the chicken wings.
i only ate marshmellow, sausages, sotong, crabmeat.
just never eat chicken wings. haas! too lazy to use hand eat. =P
then also never eat much. we just kept BBqing for the rest.
and we did that for quite long, and the guys finally paiseh liao, say let them BBq.
haas! funnie sia! say what let them have a chance to BBq. or something gentleman.
we just rested, and my eyes abit pain cause stand infront of the thingy, then got lot of smoke.
then got 1 moment i kept tearing non-stop. stupid Wee Kiat asked me not to cry.
want to smack him on his head liaox..
then the guys were just cooking and fooling around. carrying people to the "long kao".
want to drop people in there. haas. we were laughing like no 1 bis.
then they say got 1 ah pek there sleeping in the pavilion. say we disturb him.
wahahax! damn bustard! lolx..it was fun lar. the monkeys are still the same.
never change. still doing lots of stunts. and funny stuffs.
like putting the unused charcoal in the middle of the tracks. cause they dont want to take.
=_=" sometimes just cant stand them. and!!! Johnie and Telvin pangseh us when going home.
they ran home, dont know where. haas. then Wei Quan send Han Yang home.
walked quite a distance to the bus-stop.
somewhere near the place where i went for tution. haas. =P
im a dumb person, so need tution.. hehes.
then went home, bath went online! woot! so shiok and yet tiring!
thats all for the gathering. hehes.

then the nxt day is Monday!
wee! i never go for class again! =X not that i want! is my hp died on me.
no alarm. and i dont know whats wrong with it. on and off also cannot.
must take out the batt then can on back. zzz better not spoil.
if not i no money to buy new hp le.... then woke up in the morning, chatted in the MSN.
then went back for a nap. then woke up to go to school for training.
but i supposed it was a wrong idea to go for training.
go archery training, kena bullied de lorx...zzzz
juniors are included!! most of the time is them!!!
why am i so sad!!? and minnie say my life wasted sia?!!?!
why is my life wasted?!?! how?!!? T_T
haas. =P anyways, people enjoyed can le lar. just dont torture me!!! please!!!
dont massage me. dont tickle me. dont burst balloons. haas
then trained. 20,30,40,50m like that. i also checked my sighting le. wahaha.
*phew* lucky can sight. if not i dieee..~~~ cause the other time i forgot the sighting.
time for us to pack up and go home since the sky is dark when we trained until 7 plus.
the way to causeway point is too much for me. haas was laughing all the way!!!
almost non-stop. lolx! the stupid guys took some small stick and tickle ur ears.
idiots right?! haas. yeap they ARE!!! =P anyways, it was fun lar. haas
long time never laugh so long le. thanks for bringing joy by doing stupid stuffs eh, juniors!
haas! =) tmr theres selection for the juniors, must jia you worxx!!
and heard that Ivan Leow is going to quit le. cause of his shoulder injury, he cant shoot tmr.
zzzz. another junior gonexx~~ but hope the other juniors can do their best!!! ^^
this time round, just show what u had learnt through all those trainings that u all had been through. then u will have no regrets. must feel confidence. tell urself u can do it!!
self-motivate urself with the correct attitude!! then give it ur best shot! u guys can do it de!!! ^^

2007-09-17T22:23:00.000+08:00

found a song.
quite long time ago.

Out of Reach

Verse 1
Knew the signs wasn’t right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool

Chorus
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be

Verse 2
Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok

Chorus
But I’m
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be

Bridge
So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You’ll be out of my mind
I’ll be over you

Chorus
And know I’m
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There’s a life out there for me

its nice right?
once, it spelled my feelings.
dint thought of this song when i felt that way.
but anyway, it goes by the song.
you'll be out of my mind. and u did. but in such a wrong way.
in a way, that i hated u. but whatever. doesnt matter.
just wanted to say goodbye to painful memories.
going to learn what ah gong taught me.
imagine you put those memories in a door right in ur heart.
and close the door. but i will add a few locks.
hopefully, i can do it. haas.

wanted to update Zi Yuan's bdae photos de.
but im practically too lazy.
so tmr ba. =P
we went to seoul garden and spent $29.50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
VOMIT BLOOD!!!
ate until i want to puke!
pay so much money somemore my stomach have to suffer.
zhen de shi mei shi zao shi zhuo.
haas. =P but everyone enjoyed can le lar.
esp. wk. he ate damn alot of lala and clam lar!
i see him eat also feel like puking for him.
lolx! but he so big of course can eat alot de lar.
and theres actually COFFEE chicken!!!
haas. i die also dont want to eat leii. hy ate and he blur blur realised its coffee.
hy is 1 sotong!! after he go take food, and returned to the table.
he could actually go to the wrong table. and he thinking where is his things.
LOL!! i laugh like mad sia! but only i see. no 1 knows. but i guess who read this post knows it.
wakaka. hy is sooosoooosooo blur!!~~

dont hurt me once again. please.

2007-09-15T21:02:00.000+08:00

mooncake festival is coming soon.
recalled the times that i played with my neighbours and cousins below my block.
we lit up the lanterns, and we were so happy.
and the end of the day, we burn the lanterns. cause its paper lantern.
we were so contented with just simple things like that.
in primary sch, i enjoyed the same things as well.
it was until secondary sch, where everything for me went wrong.
i forgot the simple happiness that i once had.
also found out that when we grow up, we know more, we tend to want more.
theres no end for a greedy person.
just wondering if i would ever have the simple happiness back again.

people do forget.
people chose to forget.
people wants to forget.
people would forget.
so am i one of the people? =/

another song. Michelle Branch Goodbye to You

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

[Chorus:]
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

[Chorus]

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

[Chorus x2]

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

2007-09-14T21:59:00.001+08:00

would i be able to forgive what u all did?
will i still treat like nth happen?
can i?
could i?
will i?
should i?
once again, thinking about all these things make my tears fall.
you are the once that make me laugh, make my life wonderful
why destroy the image,the respect, the love, the memories, the fun and laughter we all had?
you knew how to cheer me up.
u knew how to make me feel better.but why are u the one that hurt me so badly?
do u still remember what i had said?
do u still remember the promise we made?
the same promise we made 2 times?
i still remember that when u felt real down, u cried.
u cried real hard. i dint know what was going on. but i cried along with u.
thats how much i like u.
did u feel the same way?
have u ever felt that way?
i felt that i had never once entered ur life.
never once touched ur heart.
i always thought things for us would turn out great, fun
but i was hit badly.
i know that there are much more people who was hurt more than me.

i wanted all these to be a nightmare. i dont want to face the reality.
cause it really really hurts.
i felt like running away. from the reality.
what can i ask u to do?
what can i ask myself to do?
how should i pick myself up?
how to pick myself up and be strong?
thought u guys were my strength, my pillars. haix
thats too much to ask from u all.

some lyrics i got. Nothing last forever by Maroon 5. its nice. =)

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Chris Daughtry Over you ( i just picked some )

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.

<--- this is Zhen Yuan! the EVIL PIG! lolx..
i find that for him. suits him right!!? wahaha!! XD
<-- this is i drew de. wahaha..=X abit ugly but he say its cute.. *puke*
lolx.. anyway thanks ar..for concerning and talk to me..wahaha..

2007-09-14T21:36:00.000+08:00

finally, i got some sleep after so long...3 days/ 4 days?
i dint go for the training. =X
was raining when i woke up, so felt lazy and tired to go to school.
no appetite, so just drank soya bean.
eyes felt uncomfortable. zzz got headache and my stomach is messing with me AGAIN!
hate that. went to toilet for 5 times!! in 2 hrs!!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
pathetic me. =((

heart. my empty heart. has once again had another locked.
initially, i thought it was unlocked.
but now, for defense...it got another locked locking my heart.
what can i do to stand up?
there are people who wont hurt me?
i want to believe that, i really want.
but i no longer want fantasy.
fantasy just hurts when it comes back to reality.
it only satisfies what u cant do, what u dont have in reality. just like dreams, wishes.
friends? what are they exactly?
never expect things to end up this way.
the feeling is like you bought something that u had been dreaming about, but after u bought it, it spoils.
if you were in my shoes, what would u feel?
dint like my life in my sec sch. and now, my poly life. i dont want to mess it up.
friends are everything to me.
and yet, i got disappointed with things that happened.
people say, not everything goes my way.
and i asked myself. then what things goes my way?
did anything goes my way?
i thought my happiness is there, but i found out its all fake, short term happiness.
"kong huan xi yi chang"
i lost trust, i lost hope, i lost myself.
stuck in this space.
people wants me to stand up, but im afraid....
really afraid....im shivering with fear, trembling with fear, insecure
i will be hurt once i stand up again.
if i knew that i would be hurt again, i chose not to stand up.
im stupid, i dont know how to differentiate lies from truth anymore.
i dont know if people are saying the truth or just telling me lies.
asking me to trust them when they are telling lies.
they never knew that they would hurt me this deep.
this pain. i guess i would never forget. ever. and never subsidised.
guess u all would still be happy even things like this happen to me.
i dont know how to trust u all once again, let alone face u all once again.

2007-09-12T18:32:00.000+08:00

what did i do to deserve all these shit?
i had to go through this kind of things twice
and whats more is my friends lied to me
make a fool out of me
is it fun to see me being so stupid to believe u all?
i convince myself by telling myself many many times that its not true
its something that i think too much
but now, its the other way!!
u guys had been fooling me all these while!!
now i look in the mirror, i saw the girl
the girl is damn fucking stupid..
to rather trust other people than her own feelings
have u thought of my feelings?
when u made the decision to lied to me have u consider my feelings when i found out?
do i deserve to be hurt like this?
never thought that u would hurt me like that.
i had no more tears to cry. no more. couldnt cry anymore.
" not going to let that happen to me again" " would not say lies to hurt me"
all these are the lies that hurt me.
bet not only these ba.
i dont know how to differentiate the lies and the truth that u all say
i asked u all to be happy, u say u are. cause u are not the one being lied to.
of course u have no worries.
what should i do? what can i do?
get lost if u want to hurt me. FUCK OFF!!!

2007-09-11T23:18:00.000+08:00

what is this?
people hurting me
me making people suffer
what is this?
i asked people..
am i stupid?
am i so easy cheated?
i asked myself...
do i deserve all these shit that hurts me?
trust u all?
i did..and what happened?!
misused of trust.
how?! am i going to stand up once again
being pushed down by the person i loved most.
if i am important to u all, why hurt me like that?
i told u, u all like the whole world to me.
i tell u..right now my world seems to be collapsing.
but who can i turn to?
theres 1 person who wants to rely on me..!!!!
i dont even have the strength to go back once again.
how can i let u rely on me?
WARY.....
leaving u all is a torment.
but right now is also a torment to me.
tears are falling..my heart aches alot..alot really alot alot...
but do u all understand what i am going through?
u all might think things are not so serious ba.
but it is to me.
thanks ivan...for listening to me..and talking to me..
thanks xiong...for talking to me..
winnie...u never did wrong by telling me all those things.
if u dont, things might be much worse for me.
and im sorry...i would not be able to let u lean on for now..
dont ask me how long will it be.
and sorry..to upset u and stuff...
i dont know how to face hubby...should i still say hubby? sobs
i dont know what to call..or say....tears nv stop flowing down...
when is the pain going to stop? how to make it stop?
how to not get hurt? im tired of getting hurt..really tired...
should i exist? can i disappear with all those pains?
are u all important to me still?
why do i still hurt so much when i think of u all?
why? why? why? im tired of crying..dont want to cry...but tears keep flowing...
i want to hate. but i cant bear to hate...
how can u all bear to hurt me like that? =(( really sad.... =((

2007-09-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

long time never update le =)
had a long sleep after 2 days of "sleepless" nights
but the people downstairs renovate!!!
damn irritating!! got the drilling sound
zzzz...
then woke up about 3pm ba
forgotten all about the laptop matter le. keke
nvm lar. still got time until the sch reopens.

people had been asking me why i cant sleep during those 2 days
i had been feeling, will everything goes to the place where they were?
well, bet the answer would be somehow like...depends on you
do you want it to be to the place where they were..
but back to reality, i suppose there is some changes.
im not saying pessimistic things again, but its the fact.
just dont want to cover it with some philosophy =X
i would just say i have changed.
i would say that i would try my very best not to emo, but i have no idea whether i have found my old self back.
or i have changed to another new person. =)
i have come back, to your sides.
heard one song,
one phrase of the lyrics is this: 为了抢快乐搞得不快乐
maybe that was what happen to me.
for happiness, i had caused unhappiness.
that was past to me, a past for everyone. =)
i just want a simple life.
i dont know what you think, and i dont want to think.
i also dont know whether you all need my concern and care.
but if i see you all got probs, i will still offer my help and my care and concern.
WARY....have been complete. =)
the story....shall continues ba....

simple life...i just want that....*Star*

2007-09-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

whats up with my life?
felt irritating sometimes
why has life become like that?
why must we always ending up having disagreements?
why has things changed for us?
what can i say other than fullstop?........................................................
words can be hurtful sometimes
what does "caring" exactly means?
caring for urself in terms of emotions
u feeling helpless, depressed
talk to someone.
what has it got to do with selfish?!
is talking to someone selfish too?!
i just dont get it.
u dont understand what i am trying to say do u?

2007-09-02T04:17:00.000+08:00

updating in the middle of the night
couldnt sleep, neither do i want to talk or maybe there wasnt anyone to talk to
anything to talk about
nar....
dint went for training or went to Comex IT fair.
dint see Rozi, Winnie for 3 days? dint see Weiyang for 9 days?
somehow had forgotten how they looked like when i look through the pictures we had.
slowly observed how they actually looked like when they are beside me
and how they looked like in the pictures
haas. strange isnt it?
its just for a few days or a week or so, she could actually forgotten how her frens look like exactly
she had known them for a year and half
sad seh..~~ haas..feel sad for her frens.=X

nar..forgot about that ba.
now is to update the photos i took on Fri..hee!!
frankly speaking, im really glad i met them once again
remind me of the fun times throughout those painful days. i miss them esp..........

Us!! recalling happy times! ^^ (missing person: SK)

the Gurls! me,huien(yanling),jia hui =P

the Guys!! weijie,cunfeng,wk,irvin(ah pa)

stupid Guys!! taking their own sweet time to take photos! hee! but brings laughter!

the Gurls again!

the family Photo! top: jia hui, huien below:ah pa me

both me and jia hui is nu er~
and the other is ah pa and ah bu~
haas...XD

thinking..am i fit to......*

2007-08-31T23:14:00.000+08:00

back from the dinner with my friends.
they still dint change much.
cunfeng just grew his hair.
was OMG when i first saw him just now.
haas. dint even know he is in laselle.
he year 2 le wor. haas. jia you!! ^^
gotta know whats happening in their lives.
its fun, i kept laughing and suaning ah pa. =P
really had fun, and after that waited for wk to come.
he turned darker!!! as expected lar. =P
just keep suaning his dark skin color and his small eyes. =P
he whacked me!! twice!! haas. and i whack him 3-4 times. he got sunburnt. so he more jia lat.
he told us about his life in his school.
damn happening sia!! haas. was laughing all the way.
cause he got friends. "fucking joker" thats what he called his friends.
haas. well, dint spent money on the dinner, ah pa and cunfeng kor treated us.
thanks!! muack!!
then went to the opposite block void deck to take photos.^^
later will upload ba. hee
came back home.woo~~
checked on my laptop.
then was thinking things again.
they were together, the whole day i supposed.
the other day went out, told me better go home early.
but now, not home yet. =((
im sadded......
dont know what to believe...
maybe i chose to believe myself.....
i dont exist in ur lives eh?
then just let me be........
sometimes i just wonder if u cared as much as u say.
just make me ponder.
i shall not say. shall not ask. cause i said..response is im too sensitive.
so i shall keep quiet. =X thats the way that i would not be sensitive. get it?
sometimes i felt stupid. why cant i just laugh and be with u all?
cause i chose not to. thats the answer i get.
thoughts just get lost!!! T_T
i must smile...be happy angelynn!!! =)
only i myself can cheer myself up.
only i myself can make myself sad.
only i myself...only i myself....had to blame for all these.....
theres only i myself.....no 1 else.....cause there arnt any to start with.....
dont say anything about this post.*

2007-08-31T16:14:00.000+08:00

rotting at home once again.
going out for dinner with sec friends later on.
but only a few are going, so abit sians. =(
but nevermind lar. sleep all the way until 2.
dont want to think stuff, so just keep on sleeping. =/
buay tahan le then wake up listen music.
xiong sent me one song. damn nice. addicted to that song le.

思念是一种病

当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
一辈子有多少的来不及
发现已经失去
最重要的东西
恍然大悟早已远去
为何总是在犯错之后
才肯相信错的是自己
他们说这就是人生
试著体会试著忍住眼泪
还是躲不开应该有的情绪
我不会奢求世界停止转动
我知道逃避一点都没有用
只是这段时间里尤其在夜里
还是会想起难忘的事情
我想我的思念是一种病
久久不能痊愈
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
汲汲营营
忘记身边的人需要爱和关心
藉口总是拉远了距离
不知不觉无声无息
我们总是在抱怨事与愿违
却不愿意回头看看自己
想想自己到底做了甚黱蠢事情
也许是上帝给我一个试炼
只是这伤口需要花点时间
只是会想念过去的一切
那些人事物会离我远去
而我们终究也会远离
变成回忆
oh 思念是一种病
oh 思念是一种病一种病
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
oh 思念是一种病
oh 思念是一种病一种病
多久没有说我爱你
多久没有拥抱你所爱的人
当这个世界不在那黱美好
只有爱可以让他更好
我相信一切都来得及
别管那些纷纷扰扰
别让不开心的事停下了脚步
就怕你不说就怕你不做
别让遗憾继续一切都来得及

full song lyrics.

another song i kop from my brother.

笨蛋

冰箱结霜咖啡滚烫
煮不好最简单的早餐
我的生活是一团混乱
维持单身感觉茫然
喜不喜欢习不习惯
我总是说不出个答案
一个人来又一个人往
怎么让他流连忘返
我不想当笨蛋
我在墙上写满渴望
我可以大哭一场
房间还是空空荡荡
我绝对不逞强
该属于我任其自然
可是我也要安全感
在某个适当程度的主张
纵然是了解眼光也是温暖
每个早上都想赖床
没有梦是最让人沮丧
我的眼睛盯着天花板
也跑不出任何对象
我不想当笨蛋
我在墙上写满渴望
我可以大哭一场
房间还是空空荡荡
我绝对不逞强
该属于我任其自然
可是我也要安全感
在某个适当程度的主张
纵然是了解眼光也是温暖

the song,there was her and JJ talking.
quite romantic.yet sad. so if anyone wants, just tell me. will send to u all. ^^

right now, i just like "Used to" by chris daughtry.

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around
You used to lean on me
The only other choice was falling down
You used to walk with me like
We had no where we needed to go
Nice and slow
To no place in particular

We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
When nights were clear you were the first star that i'd see
We used to have this under control
We never thought we used to know
At least there's you
And at least there's me
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back?
To how it used to be

I used to reach for you
I got lost along the way
I used to listen
You always had the just right thing to say
I used to follow you
Never really cared where we would go
Fast or slow
To anywhere at all

We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
The nights were clearer for the first time that I'd see
We used to have this under control

We never thought we used to know
At least there's you
And at least there's me
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back?
To how it used to be

I look around me
And I want you to be there
Cause I miss the things that we shared
Look around you
It's empty and you're sad
Don't you miss the love that we had?

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around
The only one around

We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
The nights were clearer for the first time that I'd see
We used to have this under control
We never thought we used to know
At least there's you
And at least there's me
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back?
To how it used to be yeah
To how it used to be

To how it used to be yeah
To how it used to be
To how it used to be

*to a place where i keep all my happy memories.

2007-08-31T00:03:00.001+08:00

sometimes not talking to you all, make things go slower, time passes so slowly.
im yearning to talk to you all, but do u all have anything to talk to me in the first place?
to..~~ im actually not feeling the way that u were afraid of. i actually felt left out.
but never mind.
you all says its because i nv open up. =/
talking to you all, being with you all is what i wanted.
but somehow things crushes me together.
i just need attention. from you guys only.
others i can dont care. =/
but i dont suppose u all think this way. lets just let things be ba.
time flies when u enjoyed the times together.
and here i am, spending the slow times alone..............bye friends... =(

2007-08-30T23:24:00.001+08:00

SO.......
WHY.....
this two words had been appearing in my mind for a million, zillion times.
but..whatever
its training time. so heck liao.
then went to run in the rain with dory.
but somehow, thoughts went through my mind.
always falling behind, giving up easily. thats me. im reflecting on myself.
but however, i still managed to ran back.
then went to gym to start the stations.
it was raining real heavy.
then we went to have our lunch.
after lunch, we went to shoot.
and it poured again~~
but we liked it!!!
shooting in the rain is so cool.
but unfortunately, there is lightning.
so we had to go back to the carpark.
went to the carpark to train.
raymond split an arrow, damn cool!
then i killed 2 arrow fletches. =P
not on purpose de lar..
scared emo-ness come back to me.
so borrowed Xiong's mp3 peii me..
throughout listening, saw things. but chose not to care.
then dont know how, i just kept on laughing and laughing.
laughing at wen xuan's laughter.
haas damn idiotic sia her laughter..=P opps..~
then keep laughing.
she laughing at me, i laughing at her.
from the carpark can laugh until the sports complex.
lolx!! stomach cramp sia.
then after a while okie le. but still. abit funny.
haas!!
then went to take bus home.
was about to think again. but i chose to slp~~
wahaha!!! slping is so much better than killing brain cells.
so please pardon me if im slping too much. =P
at night, also chose not to talk....
i did something weird.
i called someone's full name when i normally dont.
hmm..wonder what it means. =/
nah. forget it.
wen xuan was talking to me...
she got idiot dog head, monkey body and human ass.
all those is all i give her de..lolx!!! and she combine them all together!!!
great mind she have right? LOL!!
and i got blur sotong head, orang utan body and baboon ass.
all she give de. and she combined them all together for me.
lolx..!! farnie sia!!
not a bad night lar.
a break from every nonsense things. =P

2007-08-29T23:06:00.000+08:00

well, today was an outing for me after 2 days of rotting at home.
its a day out for lao po and hubby.
but i think lao po is not in..so hubby is going out with me currently.
went to orchard, but as usual she is late.
things cropped up so ya.
nevermind. i stoned at the stairs there.
haas. then 3+ she came.
she wore the long neck shirt.
haas! nv see her wear like this before so yar. felt weird.
then went to have out lunch. went to ate macs.
its at the shaw centre there, so there are alot of pigeons.
=_= the pigeons not scare people de. anyhow fly de loe.
damn freaked out lar. idiot.
then faster eat finish went to far east plaza walk walk.
on the way, was talking. =D
then walk finish far east le, then go takashimaya walk walk.
walk until tired le, then sat outside Bosinni there take pics.
=P haas then have a little talk.
then dont know where to go liao, went to the MRT.
i suggested take the train until we feel like getting down then get down.
so took the red line, went to Jurong East.
then back to Gombak. haas.
alight there and talk...until 9 plus.
then faster go down, cause going to overstay le. later fine $2. =P
but lucky me nv kana fine. hubby kana fined. haas. suay..but lucky that uncle nice
help hubby get out, without fining her. =D thanks MRT uncle.
then i took train back to woodlands and then take bus home.
dint go straight home, went to the park to walk walk.
well, it was creepy at night. hees. but i got home safely. =D

*choose to be happy rather than emo-ing* =D
finding back my old self.

2007-08-29T00:30:00.000+08:00

woot...another day to rot at home!!
parents felt so weird...
they thought something happen to me.
haas. but yeah..
spent my day rotting at home
slpt until 3pm. kana call pig by my friends. T_T
not only 1 loe..is 3!! sobs~~
then played game with Max. wahaha!! i won!!!
Max u sucks!!! geehee..!!
then at night, a night to emo sia~~
then was talking to few people.
then watched tv...
talked to Ivan.
haas.. thanks Ivan for the counselling.
and dont get emo after u stopped people from emoing..
that doesnt sound right okie? =_=
idiot. lolx!! thats say my day lar..
nothing much though.
just when talking with friends, my train of thoughts just went away.
no much of thinking... hee. such a great night.
and Lance ah gong..u will find a great ah ma de..
dont give up eh? haas. and dont drink so much!!! take care! ^^

* great night *

2007-08-26T19:01:00.000+08:00

okie...
after a day or doing nothing
i think its time i should pick myself up
or nothing could be done right?
saw some people's blog
events happen, im not the worse
i know all these stuffs, but when things happen to you all these thoughts,things are just nothing but rubbish
telling people what to do is easy, everyone knows what to tell others what to do
but how is the person going to accept it and do it and understand it
it aint easy feat.
i can say that this fall for me actually isnt big.
i can predict a greater fall in my future
cause it happens to everyone.
a fall, so that u gets stronger and not cry after you fall
the process of standing up sucks.
yar, but thats the way we are suppose to move on.
life just gotta move on..time wont wait...
even its just for a few seconds.
all these thoughts just woke me up now.
no idea whether will i really REALLY take them in....
but i just know that i took them in right now.
read a friends blog, cherish or regrets
choose to be happy and cherish
or feel miserable to regret.
thats the choice i came up with.
although i felt better now, but i still dont want to say anything yet.
just want to keep my thoughts clear.
things i see, things processing in my mind,
i tried to believe what both of u said.
tried. and trying.
i trust you.
not to say things that would hurt me.
im not going to think.."what if they lied to me"
dont wish to think about it anymore, cause it only bring misery to me.
i just wanted to believe what my mind is processing is wrong. DEFINITELY WRONG.
and when i get back, things would be back to normal.
really back to normal....

2007-08-26T18:25:00.001+08:00

been trying to take a nap
not going out cause dont feel like going out
i cant sleep when i want

i hate the feeling of doubting people or even myself
it feels like i dont trust anyone
i dont want things to happen again
things like im being betrayed
i fear of being hidden in the dark, not knowing anything
i dont want anyone to hide anything from me
cause it just seems i cant be trusted or what
but then, there are some stuff that cant be said out
how to prevent one from lying to you?
can you even prevent that...
i cant prevent that, thats why i fear

my friend found my low self-confidence disturbing
maybe so.
i just look at the bad side.
but i dont feel happy
i want to get myself prepared for the worse for everything
but i am not happy.
i always think of the consequences of everything i do.
the worse scenario of everything.
how do i feel when i first came to RP?
how do i feel when im in year 1 sem 1?
can i get the feeling back again?
cause i felt happier during that time
when everyone is laughing
no 1 is left out, everyone is enjoying themselves

fate.....destiny......
no idea what are they.

2007-08-25T21:33:00.000+08:00

read someone's personal message
wonder if its refering to me
since you dont bother to say, then i dont bother to ask
that person seems to have tingling feeling to give me up.
why do u think everything is easy to say?
i just need some space on my own
a space of my own.
i lost myself
which is the worse scenario ever!!
did u ever realise that all these while, its not angelynn?
i had been trying to fight my ownself. but does anyone knows?
when im joking, laughing, smiling, do u all really think im happy?
i dont even know the answer to that alright?
sometimes telling u stuff, doesnt always make things better.
sometimes it would just make things worse
so i chose to keep quiet.
and when i does that, things starts to happen.
terrible things start to happen.
i hate it. (T.T)
either way it just makes things weird.
im tired of these.
no longer wish to talk.
no longer want to.
forgotten how to be happy, how to enjoy myself, forgotten how i care about others before myself
I HAD FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT IT!!
do any1 of u realize that?
i doubt so.
all i felt right now is fear, insecurity, lost of trust, unhappy
u had deleted the sentence away when i came online.
thats what u really felt right?
if so, i really dont know what to say.

this whole day, i thought through.
why sometimes i sms someone and why they dont reply me back.
maybe there is really nothing that we could talk about.
so everything just stopped.
or they are just not interested to talk to me.
so i comforted myself with that reason.
thinking since we got nothing to talk about, then why sms them.
i shall stop sms-ing people.
i should stop that habit.
it had become a nuisance instead of caring.

slowly, finding reasons to comfort myself.
to solve the stupid things that make myself feel worse.

during this time, doubt anyone would talk to me.
so, i think during this time, think about whether i will miss them.
or will i slowly forget about them.

hate me if you want. give up on me if you want.
i wont blame you, cause this is my choice.

2007-08-25T00:28:00.000+08:00

okie...
this had been worse than ever
this is so not angelynn.
where has she been?
locked in a cage by this person i guess.

she is sickening. freaking irritating BITCHH!!!
been telling people to smile
but got possessed by this freaking bitchh...
this is just another freaking breakdown of angelynn.
she does not know what is wrong and right
she does not know whats truth and whats not
shes is in a mixture, confused, lost

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

HUMPTY DUMPTY IS ME
could angelynn put herself together again?

once upon a time, 1 small river runs through 1 town. then another town sets up near the river and needs water..so the small river is divided into 2 to supply water. but then villagers realize that the division of water restricts the flow so both towns suffered a drought.

understand, anyone??

thanks friend. you were always there when i needa you.
giving me the energy and courage to continue moving on.

2007-08-20T14:55:00.000+08:00

got nothing to do.
then went online to find ways to cheer up!~
dumb right? =_= but thats me..... =/

found this..

Accept to Move On:

But first, it's important to deal with the any initial feelings of denial, anger, guilt, and blame. Though these feelings are perfectly natural, they won't help you feel better. When something bad happens accept that it has happened. You don't have to like it, but accept it. Denial won't make it go away.

Though temporary negative moods may even be helpful in dealing with a bad event, they won't help you recover and move on with your life. But a positive attitude will help you move forward. Most of us recognize this, but we often have trouble finding ways to elevate to more positive moods and attitudes.

These interventions will help lift your mood, elevate your spirits, and get you moving back toward a positive attitude:

Communication - In times of stress and anxiety, sharing your feelings with a supportive person helps to lift your spirits. The act of verbalizing what you're thinking and feeling is often enough to help you get past initial negative feelings.
Meditation - Meditation calms, energizes, and diminishes stress. Find a quiet place to sit comfortably and focus on breathing deeply and slowly. This basic meditation will help.
Exercise - Physical exercise calms the mind and redirects thoughts and energy away from worries and concerns. Take a brisk walk, tackle some housework, or go to the gym; any form of exercise will help cheer you up.
Three good things - Identify three good things that have happened in the last 24 hours. Even the most routine positive event is helpful in lifting your mood, such as a good meal, a safe commute to work, or a cheerful hello from a friend.
Gratitude letter - Take a few moments and jot down a brief note of gratitude to someone who has been helpful to you recently. Again, this need not be an extraordinary helpful gesture, but a kind word, a supportive presence, or a sincere attempt to cheer you up are worthy of your gratitude.
Acts of kindness - Providing a kind act toward someone else not only helps that person but lifts our spirits in return. So even though you might be feeling down, strive to do something kind and helpful to another person.

At times, everyone gets the blues or feels mild depression without recognizing a specific reason for it.
hmm...that happens to me..but i admit that i stayed quite a bit =X

10. Breathe

Breathing is normally a subconscious function, but conscious breathing can help reduce stress and tension. Focusing on your breathing keeps your attention on the present moment and is a common component of meditation, a proven stress reducer. Breathe deeply and slowly, noticing each breath you inhale and exhale.

9. Laugh

Laughter is the best medicine. Keep handy a book of jokes or a favorite comic strip cartoon. When you feel blue, immerse yourself in the humor and go for a stomach-aching full laugh. Deep laughter improves your immune system and helps you keep life's problems in perspective.

8. Return to Nature

Go for a walk in a park, sit by a fountain, or gaze at a poster of your favorite ocean or mountain scene. Reflecting on a beautiful natural scene can lift your spirits.

7. Gratitude

Make a brief list of three to five things in your life for which you are grateful. Reflect on each item and identify the positive way it impacts your life.

6. Give of Yourself

Providing an uplifting message or thought to someone else also uplifts you. Call an elderly relative or friend. Offer a few minutes of your time to baby-sit or walk the dog for a busy neighbor. Helping another moves your focus and will improve your spirits.

5. Exercise

A brisk walk or any other form of physical exercise will improve your mood. Weed the garden or clean the house. The physical activity will help lift your mood.

4. Daydream

Recall a great vacation or a wonderful family reunion. Reflect on a card or letter someone sent you that was touching and showed they cared for you.

3. Use a Strength

We all have unique strengths, capabilities at which we are particularly talented. Use one or more of your strengths in some activity. If you don't know your strengths, take the VIA questionnaire.

2. Tend Something You Care About

Tend to a garden, a favorite house plant, a pet, or your car. When we tend something we provide a loving, caring attention to it that is a form of giving. Tending is not a chore, it's a blessing.

1. Apologize

Guilt and regret can hang around us like a lead weight, bringing on mild depression without our awareness of the cause. Offer up a sincere apology for things you've done or said that offended or hurt another. You'll feel the relief of your burden of regret even if you aren't able to personally deliver the apology. Offering it up to the Universe is sufficient.

Signs of Depression

Your behavior as signs of depression:

Withdrawal from people, work, pleasures, activities
Spurts of restlessness can be signs of depression
Sighing, crying, moaning
Difficulty getting out of bed is a sign of depression
Lower activity and energy levels
Lack of motivation – everything feels like an effort

Your feelings as signs of depression:

Sadness, misery are "obvious" signs of depression
Overwhelmed by everyday tasks (eg, cooking dinner)
Numbness or apathy can be a sign of depression
Anxiety, tension, irritability
Helplessness is a sign of depression
Low confidence, poor self-esteem
Disappointment, discouragement, hopelessness
Feelings of unattractiveness or ugliness
Loss of pleasure and enjoyment are signs of depression

Your thinking patterns as signs of depression:

Inability to make decisions
Lack of concentration or focus can be a sign of depression
Loss of interest in activities, people, and life
Self-criticism, self-blame, self-loathing
Pessimism can be a sign of depression
Preoccupation with problems and failures
Thoughts of self-harm or suicide can be signs of depression

Your body signals as signs of depression

Fatigue, low energy, exhaustion are often signs of depression
Poor sleeping patterns – waking early, not sleeping even when exhausted
Loss of appetite (occasionally, increased appetite)
Loss of sexual interest can be a sign of depression

wahaha...take a look if ur into depression anot...

Characteristics of highly sensitive people are similar to introverted personality types. Like introverts, highly sensitive people are quickly drained and need time alone.

but im definitely not introverts!!! =p

Highly sensitive people are deeply affected by lights, strange odors, clutter, and loud noises. They startle easily and take longer to "come down" from long days, conflicts with friends or family, or stressful days at work. Highly sensitive people can't tolerate as much as other people can. These personality traits are different than the characteristics of introverts.

Personality traits of highly sensitive people

Highly sensitive people are able read the moods of their friends and family quicker than "regular people."

highly sensitive people aren't to be confused with introverted, inhibited, or shy people (though similarities exist). Highly sensitive people have a more sensitive nervous system – it's a physiological as well as a psychological condition. Basically, highly sensitive people are more susceptible to external stimulation from sights, sounds, and even vibrations. Introverts may not be as sensitive.

Most highly sensitive people are:

Able to process information deeply.
Able to concentrate deeply.
Good at tasks requiring accuracy, speed, and detail.
Highly conscientious.

Physical characteristics of highly sensitive people:

Good at fine motor movements.
More affected by caffeine.
Good at staying still.
More "right-brained": less linear, more creative.
Slower to recover from intense stimuli.

am i like that? dont think so...~~ =/

anyway...people who wants to read can go to:
http://personaldevelopment.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_cheer_up

2007-08-20T09:47:00.000+08:00

gosh...
once again i did it!!
gotta let go!! =(
need to control...
just messing everyone's morning. =/
im sorry...
just need to let it out and get a answer, if not i think i would anyhow think again.
sorry if this way would kills u somehow.

i just need my confidence.
confidence.............believing in u guys....
how not to be too sensitive?
not care too much? =/
how? i dont know....

nvm....shall just let it be.......
*being a pain in the ass early in the morning. is so not a good thing.
just leave me alone at this moment. need control my own emotions.

2007-08-18T19:08:00.001+08:00

my life is in a mess
caused by myself
i had no idea why i am feeling this way
filled with insecure, belonging
no matter what was said to me
i was avoiding. afraid to get hurt
dont wish to get hurt, so i chose to hurt other people
hanging over there
i saw 2 paths, i dont know which path to go

without me, life would be much more easier, happy
ii would just bring unhappiness, all those bad things to you people
im unlikabble, who am i exactly?
i dont even know it myself.

i dont want sympathy,
i seems like i cant accept any care or concern from you guys.
its like i dont deserve it.
hate me if you really want.

whatever. need to let brain stop thinking..at least not think about that...

i broke a arrow today!!!
into 2 parts, the other part was missing. =(
had to pay $2....=(
training wasnt good for me.
doesnt seem to improve either.
might be deteriorating
=( my interest, my passion...where are you guys?

what a sad day. raining whole day too. =( what a day to be.

Just let me be. =/

2007-08-17T10:34:00.000+08:00

should i continue blogging?
or stop and keep what i feel all to myself?
but to realize i already answering my own question =_=
im already blogging >.<
nvm....

what am i to people?
it seems that im precious to my family.
then what about my friends?
is it the same?
sometimes i just make a big fuss out of something small
haas dumb action of mine.
i wonder if the people who say words they meant it or just for the sake of saying

*piak Piak~*
im suppose to be happy!!
but here am i emo-ing again.
wth!! someone just shud me up!!
hate this moment of me.... somehow i want to say i hate u.......................................... =/
but im unable...... so forget it.

2007-08-14T14:18:00.000+08:00

BLOG SUCKS ALRIGHT!!!!
I SHALL STOP BLOGGING!!!
SINCE IT ALWAYS CAUSE MISUNDERSTANDING!!!!

2007-08-14T09:06:00.000+08:00

tiring days, tiring weeks
seems so tired everytime
haix, training yesterday
everything seems to be wrong
finger hurts, no strength
then shoot form for quite sometime le then slack there
my hair is kena tortured by yahui and nad T.T
body had been feeling aches all over i think im going to fall sick soon =/
feeling stupid sometimes.
feeling dumb sometimes.
feeling idiotic sometimes.
just want to shrug off that feeling. =(

its good to be lying to urself just to make urself happy.
its good that we dont want to care about things sometimes.
sometimes it just seems good to be real BAD!
i mean reall badd!! yeap...means to be selfish..to be someone hateful...
dont talk to me if you dont want to.
theres no obligation to talk to me, i would rather dont talk to you.
each and everytime................. im tired of it alright?
sick of it, dont want to care anymore alright?
dont force urself to talk to me.
its like me boring you
maybe i should leave for a moment then maybe later on have topic.
haas
dont know =/

2007-08-11T01:24:00.000+08:00

seems like i had giving pressure.
need to let go. haas
too much pressure will cause the balloon to burst.
and i scare of balloons!!
no 1 understands what im talking about?
goodx then. want to talk to myself in alien codes.
wahaha!!! today dont know what happen to me.
walking home i can think about things until i forgot that i was holding the shoebag on my bag
and i just crossed the road. =_=
and 1 car suddenly honk me. i thought what i did wrong sia?
but the people inside were pointing to the curb on the road side.
to realise it was my shoe bag.
haas!!! so paiseh sia!!
dont know whats going on with me.
i can just stare and stone for dont know how long to realise that im actually doing nth.
should get out of that mode. haas!!
must be in a happy mode. like what i had promised to try my best. ^^

2007-08-10T15:20:00.001+08:00

okie
lets see, things had been up and down for me.
its just myself finding trouble for myself.
yeap. need to stop myself from giving any more trouble.

hubby, i dont know if u are reading my blog anot =/
i want you to tell me what u are thinking
something u promised. sames goes for the promises for ur Bee Bee.
u said 2, okie. i will give it to u.
but would u tell me whats wrong?
things left unsaid would it be better? or would it cause misunderstanding?
i think i would misunderstand things.
yeap. deep enough to anyhow think things.
u told me its hard to be optimistic.
but well, like u told me as well i want u to know there is always me/us for u to talk to.
the prob is u are keeping everything to urself.
u sure dont want us to grab u down and do what we did the other time right?
i want u to tell us/me willingly. its something i wished for. i dont know whether it will come true anot
i dont want you to be suffering alone. to be all alone even if u are trying to be optimistic.
if u dont feel well saying. then type it out, write it out.
im always there to read. always there to listen.
there are times when u are optimistic which makes u feel so strong that i feel that there is nth i could do for u.
could u? could u just tell us things about u? just take that to let us know u better.
can? i wanted to tell u all these, but u are offline now.
today i like too sensitive.
there seems something. u said nothing, the rest said nths wrong.

maybe its just myself starting to give myself trouble again.
^ *[ Trying my best now. ]* ^

2007-08-09T01:47:00.000+08:00

another day that end up with uncomfortable feelings.
why does this have to happen?
what is going on with me?!
sometimes i wished i would disappear.
run away from everything but i know it wont work.
"nvm, forget it"
these words would only make me think that i dont understand you.
which makes me feel irritated. frustrated.
sarcastic, thought of giving up, dont bother anymore, irritated, frustrated.
you made me think that you felt that way.
sorry if i misinterpreted the way that you felt.
maybe i really do not understand u afterall.
how to make u believe me when i say nth?
i told you before why i chose not to say.
and i supposed you understand it.
can you trust me?
can u believe me?
have faith in me?
i dont want you to be worrying about me anymore.
after u got 2 jobs, and seems tired all the time.
its like im adding on to your burden.
sometimes even if im getting stronger, there are times when i felt down.
i cant make myself 24/7 happy all the time when im with you all.
i cant promise u that. cause i know sometimes i need time alone to cool down from everything.
i dont know what to say when u asked me what happen
and i can say, dont force me. i might become a monster.

*mind in a whirl*
no reason.
[monster incoming] =(

2007-07-31T16:17:00.001+08:00

wahhaa!! long time nv update le wor!!
Smilex!!!
shall post all those photos!!
since i got nothing to do now~~

2007-07-20T00:45:00.000+08:00

im FUCKING PISSED!!!!
FUCKING DISAPPOINTED!!!
give u time for u to run away?!
STOP FUCKING GIVE ME BULLSHIT!!!
giving u time?!
i will give u time!!!
for u to run away?!
bullshit!!!
what happen to all those things i said in the morning! afternn?!
its fucking useless to u is it?
for u to run away!!
tell u what?!
im crying at this fucking moment!!
run away?!
u want to run away?!
if u want to do that!!
i tell u something
im going to leave u!!
leave dory too!!
leave yang too!!
leave everyone!!!!
im freaking pissed at how u run away from things!!!
u asked me what to do in the afternn
i told u....i answered u...
u asked me how to solve?
i answered u....
but now u freaking want to run away!!!!
stop bullshitting lar!!!
after i told u all those, u said give u time
okie!!!! I GIVE!!!!
NOW I ASKED U HOW LONG YOU WOULD NEED
U SAID UNTIL U COULD RUN AWAY FROM IT!!!
WTF I SAY FOR THE WHOLE DAY!!!!

or maybe i should just shut my mouth
seriously!!!

2007-07-19T13:16:00.000+08:00

BOOM!!!
yeaps. Just went boom this morning.
had no idea how drastic it was, face was black when i entered the class
slowly understood the problem statement.
its that relief boring guy again =_=
dread to come to his lesson. Rowena!!! come back!!!!
haas!!
but today problem statement is easy lar~
about depreciation~ wahaha..
lucky learn before woohoo~
the rest like busy loe so nv go ka jiao them
ownself find things to do~ =/
and my stomach is killing me!!!
sobs.
then ah boon just now kana "rape"
haas. was forced to cut his fingernails by xiao hui and apple.
wahaha..cant act cute liao~~
lolx!! but the fingernails to me is still long~

yesterday, had a long long talk with hubby!
it was nice~ the feeling of talking everything, under the moon
joking about everything just the 2 of us.
thanks hubby~ ^_^

2007-07-18T13:14:00.000+08:00

back to post
this morning went to see doctor for check up
doesnt seems right, gotta go hospital for a throughout checkup
gotta waste money again which costs more than the private doctor consultation's fee
having a hard time when coming to school
it just sucks when it keeps giving you aches

dint know that i had virus~~~~
woo~~~~
forget it man.
doesnt make a diff whether i say it or not
so why bother to say

no more reason for me to say out things
no more secure to say out things
no more confidence to say out things
so i'm not saying out things
cause there is no difference anymore

2007-07-14T15:16:00.000+08:00

yippee!!
its just another 9 hours to my BIRTHDAY!!!
got 3 sms wishing me happy birthday in advance liao =_=
haas thanks anyways!! love you!! muacks!
yesterday i did stunt
ate the sweet that had laxative effect if consumed too much!
i dint know that loe
then during UT, stomach was having war
feeling damn weird, after UT checked the box then see have that effect
no wonder =_=!!
then this morning then have diarrhea
tired sia somemore yesterday night never eat dinner
T_T poor me!
then walked out of house, called dory to wake up
she sure damn long loe =x
did her RJ in the morning before going to bath
faint~ then i reached liao she then leaving her house
nvm lar got come can liao..lolx!!
but she looked damn tired =/
hope shes okie~~
wee!!! my uncle bought me cake!!! my family had stopped giving me cakes when i was sec 3!!
until last year my dear friends bought me a cake, and this year i have cake again!! wahaha!!
im so contented!!
read my friends blog, saying something that if dont like something then dont like lar
what for make myself suffer just to dislike something i dont like.
might as well dont bother by it
just amazed by her simple thinking
it just completely stopped all my complex thoughts
been long that i had met her
heard that she is still having her BBall training
shall find someday go and pop up at her training place and give her a shock!
Hees evil me!! XD
something got into me in the afternn
hopefully its fine, trying to be normal
as normal as possible
forget about that!!!!
it would just kill me before i get to enjoy myself today!
so..nar...!!
AND!! im not going to come home tonight!!!
bed... not gonna lie on you tonight...monkiie..not gonna hug u tonight~
dolphins..not gonna look at you till i fall aslp~ wahaha...im crazy~~!!
cya~~!!

2007-07-11T01:36:00.000+08:00

There’s star up in the sky tonight
But do not have the chance to walk under the sky back home taking the long way
Cause it’s too late le, 11 plus still on the bus back to tampanies
Could imagine what time I would reach home if it takes me 45 mins to walk back home by the long way
And there’s definitely something wrong with me!!
Just have no idea why so don’t bother asking me what’s wrong with me
I would just stone there and stare at the blank space or wherever I’m facing
*smack own face*
Wake up!!!!
I can’t be emo back again!!
I just found my smile, my laughter!!
I just can’t lose it so easily!!!
But yeah, I still stone just now thinking how to continue typing
Maybe due to my own blurness, I slept last night WITH my contact lenses ON!!!
That’s the 2^nd time!!
SHIT!! I should just forget about wearing contacts if I forgotten the next time!
Now my left eye is still red! Been red for the whole day!
That’s a sad thing to say, and dint mention it to my family
For fear that they would just nag at me, and forbid me to wear them again
Well, I should be more careful then if I still want my eye
Was having trouble sleeping last night, stomach is killing me!
Really wished to die at that moment!
Doc told mum to ask me to go down for a check up
Hmm..The last time for check up was a long time ago, aint it?
But wait till I have the time
Unwilling to go, reluctant to go down for some reasons
Doc Lee, wait for me then! Haas!
For today’s problem statement, It was quite easy!
Haas! Think I could get a A? lolx!
DREAM ON!! Maybe a B ba
Was trying to do the worksheet, managed to do most of it
Just unable to answer the last few questions, but I think the excel explained it all.
Today’s session is the fastest! 2 pm start presentation and ends at 3pm!
Just an hour of presentation and last week quiz!
So zai!
Then classmates all jio-ing to go club tonight
But I dint go, cause I still need to go back school tomorrow for training
Dint want to tired myself out ++ my parents think will nag at me ba
They went to St. James there, but no idea where they went
Guess next time then go with them ba
They are regulars of clubbers =x
After class, wait in class for yang and dory
They had UT, dory is K-O
No idea for yang
Haas! Guess its okie ba =/ who knows?
Then went to library finding a good spot to screen movie
Went to the student career there and did our RJ
My RJ question is a dumb 1!!!
“how does Statistic helps you in your everyday life?”
Freaking hell!! Just go bang wall lar!! Keep asking these kinds of questions!!!
No sian I also sian lar!!
Then I just bullshit and crap through the damn RJ
While trying to do my RJ, that idiot yang did something stupid!
He called my hp, when hes freaking in front of me! =_=
Then I just put on loudspeaker, and he find it amusing as he could hear his voice echoed
Lolx!! Dumb sia! Then dory came back from buying food from the galaire café
We did the same thing to show her, and dory don’t find it amusing
Which killed the fun =x lolx..no lar
Then just played around again, the both of them nia
Haas, I just sit there and laughed or rather stone once in a while
Lolx! Finished the RJ, went to the corner to watch movie, but in the end
Watching supernatural and some idiot just dozed off
After watching, both of them continued playing
Tickling each other and stuff just to entertain themselves
And I kena dragged in, smacked my whole hand on the shelve
Tagged team by both of them, couldn’t breathe at that time of the moment
So scared I would really died of tickling and was strangled by some idiot
Then tagged team with yang to tickle dory, but in the end its me getting hurt!!!!
T_T was kena knock on the chin, and hit on the face by yang’s knee
That’s so sad lar!! Tickle people then own self kena hurt
Pathetic, and that’s when I found out that how weak I am
Haas! Pathetic fellow, who doesn’t realize that she is so weak up to this moment
Looking at other people who are so afraid of being weak whom are actually stronger than myself
And not knowing how weak I am myself
Just realized how stupid I am
I just know how to find others when I had problems
I’m just a spoiled, pampered brat!!
And is such a weak brat!
Here myself criticizing myself right in the middle of the night!
Felt dumb!
I just felt like saying what I want to say
No reason, no intention of asking people to ask me what happen
Oh ya!! And that freaking idiot bloody F***ing bastard that keep calling my phone
I finally picked up!! And I freaking called that bastard not to call this number again!!
Felt relieved!!! And hes freaking BAGALAH!!! I don’t care whether I get criticized after this post or
what
I just freaking irritated by how he called and hanged up after 2 rings!! Since SUNDAY!!
Its had been 3 days!!! Irritating me all along!!

Finding my laughter, my smile and most important my star back!

2007-07-03T23:34:00.000+08:00

another day of walking under the dark sky with bright moon shining down
stars are blinking as if they were asking me whats wrong with me
another kind of mood walking under the starlight
are we losing faith in each other?
wheres our chemistry?
there seems to be a wall in between us how should we break down this wall?
i wonder is it me
me causing all these boundaries?
"sorry" is the word that we don't wish to hear from each other
its a FORBIDDEN word for us okie?
sometimes when i got upset by you, i want you to cheer me up
i may act childish, but that is what i am
thats how i want things to be
but things might not go as how i want them to be
sometimes i just loathe myself for being so greedy
for wanting this and that
and yet i asked myself, why can't i have those?
this is when i started to hate myself
cause i know this is not right for me to do so
but i yearn to do so
i loathe myself for not being contented with what i have
and yet asking for more
taking things for granted
who am i becoming?
i am so afraid of myself
so loathe myself
what am i becoming?
terrified of myself

2007-06-26T14:54:00.000+08:00

had a weird dream
really really weird
wonder if it would happen in real life
or i am just thinking too much
shit,I'm thinking again >.<

was wondering why i still holding on
no answers were given
guts told me to forget it
but feelings are unable to forget it
I'm in a dilemma, what should i do?
dont wish to admit it
but unable to deny it
T_T
why am i so indecisive?
why do i have to be like that?
why am i so unsure of what i feel and what i do?
WHY?!
sigh sigh sigh
why do i bother much about when u dont give a damn care for me sometimes
asking myself why!!!
WHY!?!!

want to die liao~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2007-06-25T01:35:00.000+08:00

how do i feel right now?
no idea how i feel right now
it seems that i lost a friend
but it doesn't seems that i had lost a friend
what is this?
is this just temporary?
or permanent?
my mind is full of questions
but no 1 could give me the answers
or rather no 1 had those answers
do GOD hate us that much to make us suffer?
does us suffering makes us grow up?
if so, can we don't grow up?
i don't wish to grow up
not because i don't want to suffer
its because i don't wish to change things
don't want to change anything anymore!!!
I'm frustrated, upset
but what can I do?
a day passed, another day come
i just had to tell myself that another day had come
its another day to smile
smile for others
smile for myself
smile for anyone who needs it

[ will things change? i wonder ]
[ *luckier than stars* do u rem? ]

2007-06-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

When you're Gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take

[When You're Gone lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

this song is nice~
esp this part..
"The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK"

2007-06-22T22:36:00.000+08:00

is it my fault?
am i the 1 that cause you to suffer so much right now?
i felt a change in your attitude towards me
i know I'm not being sensitive
its true, i am not thinking too much
what is going on?!
i hate this feeling! *crys*
i want everything back as normal
without "that"
but is it possible?
or am i too greedy?
just thinking about myself
your attitude towards me just makes me feel suck
you say your alright
ask yourself if your alright, what are you running away for?
haix
i dont know what to do anymore
just be myself?
can i be myself when your not there?
your my friend, my bestest friend
the friend that is like my family, i dont wish to lose this friend
understand?
nvm
just a selfish thought of mine

[my wrong doings causes me to end up like this]

2007-06-18T11:39:00.000+08:00

does it matter if i'm there?
no confidence that we will stay the same
it seems that one fine day we will be strangers to each other
sometimes looking at the 3 of you just makes me think that you 3 shared the same world
the world had boundaries
boundaries that people cant entered
which includes me
i dont wished to be hate
i dont wished to be left alone
but there are times that things happen to just leave me to be alone for a moment
leaving for a moment is just a way for me to escape reality for a while
for me to pick up the feelings and courage to conquer this 'reality'
this just causing me not to be myself
but another person who hides their real feelings from others
once i had started to do these kind of things
everything would be in my bottle
no one have the energy or the strength to open up the cap of the bottle

what should I do?
dont say the things that you never meant to say*

2007-06-17T21:33:00.000+08:00

wHooOpPpeee!!~
competition is finally over!
happy and sad at the same time
sad that im unable to do what i promised
that is to win a medal for the seniors
as this indoor com will be the last com for most of the seniors
and also to prove myself that all those efforts that i made is worth it
but somehow i dint do that
i panicked throughout the round 1
which is so terrible that i cant believe what i am doing
it feels like its the first time that im shooting
i dont know how to anchor, hold and pull anymore
it just feel so strange
after the break, i know that i dont have chance to get a medal
i lost the chance for this com
failed to prove myself to the rest
people said i had improved alot
so i supposed that im too rush to prove myself thats why i had such disappointment
and i started to lose confidence in myself

我会为了忘你而恨你吗？
i hope that i wont hate you just to forget you
please forgive me if sometimes i dont bother much about you
rather pretend that i could not hear you

i had no idea if i had anymore feelings for you
it had become a mystery to myself too
thoughts coming through but i cant seem to tell any1
its like i wanted to say out but i had no voice
and when i had voice there is no 1 there to listen
it just fades away
no longer important nor urgent
theres quite abit of things on my mind
not ready to tell anyone
nor had any idea want to tell any1
cant bring myself to do that
haix
mind is in a whirl
pour me with your care and concern
its enough for just that ^^
thanks a lot too

2007-06-10T22:56:00.000+08:00

hello~~
long time dint update my blog le
going to be full of spider webs and dust
these few days had been training and training for the upcoming competition
quite stressed and alittle upset throughout the process
cause the results werent what i expected
but i did put in my efforts, and i believed in myself
as well as those people who had helped me throughout when i'm training
they were helping me spot the mistakes and corrected me
and they were training with me as well
all of us just jia you!! let our efforts paid off!!
its time to show others where had all our efforts had gone and what we had been through
well, not only the training is affecting me
other factors are affecting me too
my life, friends, family and my study life
had been worrying all these
i had found a way to overcome some of the problems
that is to forget what had happened tonight
tomorrow will be a brand new day
a new day to let me start once again
i had always given a chance to start anew
so why keep on hanging on to the past bad memories
it just makes me suffer
and makes me unhappy, sad, discontented, unmotivated
so why not choose a better way to make myself motivated, happier, more contented with what i have right now?
found a website or rather blog
quite interesting, each blog is worth taken a look
u might find it enlightening, but u also might find it nonsensical, boring or stuff
its just your point of view

http://kthdsn.com/blog/what-makes-us-happy
http://kthdsn.com/blog/how-surroundings-affect-mood

i shall start looking ahead
start smiling
as frowning doesnt help anything at all

2007-05-22T23:04:00.000+08:00

whHooPPpeeEe...!
long time never update le.
these few days, felt like sleeping whole day long.
forever not enough sleep like that.
this morning practically just stone there and almost dozing off.
the tea is not helping me. instead it almost put me to sleep =_=
just have to tolerate, and keep myself awake by talking to the other people.
got a website. but be prepared to see unwanted things.
www.spikedhumor.com
that was the website given by some idiot.
lolx. that was supposed to keep me awake, but it made me so pek chek.
cause i cant watch the video, keep buffering de. so lao ya de.
then dear bought me mentos~ weee..~~ so sweet..~ thanks dear~! muacks~
that kept me awake for every mentos i pop into my mouth.
haas. so imagine how many mentos i had popped into my mouth just to keep myself awake.
i think my body is giving way. so tonight im going to sleep longer.
my class ended quite early. as usual
then i called HP to ask them to come down to take the laptop for service.
tmr they are coming down~
wahaha, still thinking whether want to buy the laptop anot.
later then discuss with my parents. =/ not cheap to buy a laptop.
lets move on~
talk about the juniors~
some of them are quite fun to be with, some still abit quiet.
never talk much. especially minnie and david ba. to me..
the rest all got talk...then i abit gan chiong cause dont know how to guide them.
i also scare teach wrong. =/
then very tired sia~ but quite hyped leii.. dont know why suddenly so happy.
haas just felt like it loe.
then after training went to causeway to makan.
ate yu mee. omg! im so not going to eat that again.
the soup all absorb by the mee liao loe. sad case.
cant finished. but i dont care. so after we finished eating, all of us went home.
then as usual, i took bus home. then i walked from tampanies back to home.
the breeze~ so cooling. things just went through my mind.
a gust of disappointment just passed by me.
its the kind of feeling that makes you lose hope.
let it be archery or things around me.
i'm tired of keep trying, but i dont want to give up, cause i cant bear to give up everything.
but yar. will forget this feeling. and keep on trying.
its the motivation to keep me moving on, but yet its the thing that demoralised me.
things are so contradicting at times.
but just have to accept it because this is reality.
have no choice but to accept it in order for the world to accept you.

2007-05-19T23:29:00.000+08:00

the dinner that i had.

the chocolates that dear bought.

hubby trying to shake all the gas out.

dumb face after eating the chocolate. =x

photo taken outside the bubble tea shop.

these few days i had made a mess out of my life.
practically just messed things up. forget this forget that.
and i could overslpt for consecutive days.
just felt tired running from bedok to woodlands and then back to bedok.
just make my life worse. and im going to move house soon.
thats very lame, cause im moving from bedok to bedok. =_=
sounds stupid right. but its because my building is going to tear down to rebuild.
therefore i need to move. =/
im so going to miss my current house. >.<
tired. tired. tired. is the thing that i can say now.
mind is running alot of things.
just cant stop processing.
today i shoot like freaking shit. just want to kill myself with the arrows.
no consistency no grouping no lifting of elbow no stable bow arm
all these problems!! go bang wall lar. haix.
everything is squeezing into my brain. it sucks.
physically tired. mentally a little.
alot of things had happened.
know the things that i dont wish to know. but still have to accept it
yar. but we pretended nothing happen
so just be normal loe
cant expect any big changes to it.
[ dont want to be blur anymore. ]
am i holding on to it? i had no idea.

2007-05-17T15:06:00.000+08:00

yesterday was actually my rest day.
but i still went to school as usual
to get the laptop vpn done, and also have breakfast with the rest.
its been very long time that i went to breakfast with them
they said i always MIA. faint. no laptop mar. then go to IT helpdesk early to get the acer laptop
i then dont want IBM leii.. will die loe..use that kind of laptop.
then now can go breakfast with them every morning le..!!
wahahah!! so happy.

things happened too fast.
and i just found out something.
i dont remember the days that we were not close.
i only remember the days that u all had brought joy and laughter to me..
when im really down, you showed me care and concern.
telling me that you all need me, which gives me hope to survive.
you are the ones that make me cry when i see you hurt. whether physically or mentally.
you all taught me how to stand up again. how to smile once more.
this is the me that you all had helped.
this is the chapter that we are going to have.
i dont wish there is any finale to this chapter.
lets just motivate each other to complete each other's life. ^^

im afraid. afraid that i had everything now, and i might just lose it.
too scare to be too fortunate, cause i might just be unfortunate in the end when i lose u all.
this fear is uncontrollable. but i will just leave it aside and enjoy the times with you all.
you know that i love you all more than anything. *muacks*
thanks for giving me a chance to start a chapter with u guys.
and like what dear says, open up the door to us leading to ur life.

2007-05-06T17:34:00.000+08:00

What's love?
When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are desperately waiting for the call! At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.

All these feelings i had to forget.
Cause it had causing me to be another person.
A person who is full of unhappiness.
And of course I want people to be happy.
Ought to know what i want.
My biggest weakness is to always put others before me.
Is that so? I felt that i had been quite selfish lately.
Things are happening so fast that I didnt really want to accept the fact that it did happened.
Im so indecisive. Not sure of what i want.
This starts to get me irritated. And im starting to hate myself.
I need to stand up. On my own. Once again.
Those were just memories. They were in the past.
Life needs to move on. There are still many important things for me to do.
I just need to move on to the other phase of my life.
This is my life.
I need to balance out things. Things are too concentrated in a place.
What do I want exactly?!
Im just so lost. All my thoughts are in a whirl.
Saying things and unable to do those.
Just make me feel so miserable.
Things would change.
Im no longer most important to her.
Im no longer needed to him.
Im just someone extra in their lifes.
Thats how i felt right now. But i cant bear to tell them how i felt.
I dont wish to make them feel guilty nor sad.
Haix. My life is in such a mess.
Need to find back my reasons for all these.
I must keep my feelings deep down inside.
No 1 will knows what Im feeling anymore.
Act naturally? How to act?
Haas. Its okie. I would just act.

[ Locked Feelings ]

Whatever I do, It may or may not be the truth anymore.

2007-05-04T14:09:00.000+08:00

wHHoooPpppeeeEE....!!~~~
haas. just realised that i got a scratch from hitting the wall with my fist.
dumb me. use fist hit wall also kana scratch. dont know how i hit sia.
wash hand also pain. but who cares?

found some theory. not theory lar.
just some concept that i got on my head.
sometimes when you are sad, but you do not have to show it all to the people around you.

this sentence people tell me before, but i inisisted that they tell me what happened to them.

maybe things have to heppen to them before they know what is it like ba. =/

oh yar. i want to thank Angel and Apple. [ from E45L ]
they were the first to say that. quite touched. Thanks alot.
and Apple asked me to change nick. and i change for the sake of her.
she said it was too emo. lolx. anyways thanks lar.

went to lunch just now, pretend nothing had happened.
i seriously did that. but...haix. [Speechless]
managed to pull it through. ^^
dory. i know what u meant but i just be a selective looker. sorry bout' that.
things are just as normal. ^^
im going to continue to be like that. but will i be able to take it?
hope i will ba.

just a random post after i felt sooo...whatever~
just a way for me to vent all my frustrations, all my feelings.

OH YA! and Thanks Ah Gong!! really...!! being there when I'm so Down...~~
and also always helping me out with the problem statement.
if wasnt for.....i might have a chance that i like him..~~ opps..~~ =X
Nad...~~~no lar..cause ah gong is just a Mr. Nice Guy.

2007-05-04T01:30:00.000+08:00

i had no idea whether is it a good idea to tell him or not.
but in fact, i already did.
whatever i said about others always come true.
but when it comes to myself, its always the opposite way.
should i feel sad for myself or happy for others.
i no longer feeling anything.
i'm cool when she told me all those.
i'm also cool when he told me all those.
i didnt felt anything. is it because im prepared?
or im numb. numb to them.
i punched my fist against the wall. red patches formed.
but it cant take away the feeling inside me.
i felt weird. its a feeling that wont go away.
i didnt slp last night. stayed awake whole night.
lying on the bed till 5 plus then went to bath.
it was raining when i stepped out of the house. but i didnt take umbrella.
i just walked the path under the rain. how i wish i could cry.
im unable to cry since last night. even im feeling all sucky and stuff.
i need to vent it out. otherwise i would go bonkers!!
someone just make me cry. let me cry so that i can feel better.
maybe after crying, i would pick myself up.
im now going to occupy myself with lots and lots of stuff...
whatever things u need help just ask me.
the proposal, workplan, activities for the camp, trainings, competition, PP proposal
im going to put all my heart and soul into all these things.
i dont want to think so much. just pretend everything is normal.
nothing is happening. too tired to think and dont wish to think.

[ I like it when its raining ]
cause no 1 cares about you, as they just care for themselves.
cause no 1 will notice that you were crying.
cause its so peaceful outside as people are all hiding in shelters.
and most important, is that Im alone right now.

2007-05-03T22:54:00.000+08:00

stress stress stress.
school starts le everything just came.......
haix.. school work must calculate. face excel almost for every module.
then must see numbers!!!
omg!! just have to accept that im an engineering student.
so must face numbers...
nvm. school work i still can catch up.
then archery got alot of things need to do.
haix..head big BIG ar..!!!
proposal...work plan...trainings...everything......
sort of pek chek...... tired.... stress.....
haix...everything comes to a lump.
today went to class. everyone see me say i look very tired sia
i damn shagged meh?!
haix...maybe i didnt laugh ba. or too tired to even smile. or just a stupid blank tired face
today felt alot of things.
throat pain lar. then no appetite at all ar.
stress ar. negligible.
this word came to me. just felt that way.
i think im going to have depression soon
someone please help me.....!!!
take my brain out or something. just to let me stop thinking for the moment.
haix. feeling insecure. partly of that.
im sick of tired of asking the same questions and getting the same answer.
im getting hurt...really hurt...!!! can someone just get me out of this situation..?
can someone just lend me their shoulder?!
i really need it badly.....
im feeling real down.....it sucks....
really...i dont know what to do.....anymore...............

2007-04-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

a day to rot at home.
rotting percentage 100+++%
i just dread to rot at home.
but there seems no where to go.
expect the beach. ^^
hopefully can go by this week.
hmm..yap. remember what you say hor. =P

dreamt of you last night.
such a amazing dream! i cant even believe that i dreamt of that!!
i was thinking that i had already gone bonkers.
i still wanted that to happen. but will that happen?
the things that i saw tells me that all those wont be happening.
but yet i hope all those would happen.
what should i do?
when you think too much, sleep. then you wont think that much.
that really helps. really. the sadness, anger u felt before you slpt.
would be gone after you woke up.
Do you know that I like you?
DUmbass!! do i have to say it right infront of your face?!

2007-04-29T00:16:00.000+08:00

today is Saturday!! Weekend!!
haas. went to City Hall
i chose that place, randomly chose that place.
haas. then when i halfway to City hall. sms the rest.
1 is going to leave house, 1 is on her way, and the other idiot just woke up!!
dots. then i just went to a corner to sit down when i reached City Hall.
got 1 auntie approached me to borrow hp to call her daughter.
then i ask her use earpiece, as i still abit scare scare got people snatch hp.
haas. then winnie reached liao.
something came into mind. and i did stunt. i just went stoning.
then yang reached also. so he chatted with winnie. while i stone.
seriously, everything they say just went passed my mind.
then dory came to met us.
i practically dao everyone lar.
wasnt really in the mood to do anything.
just wished i was invisible.
but later on, better lar. things started to leave my mind.
then went to walk walk. play play. chat chat. take photos.
later on, ah zhou and hm that couple came to meet us.
then we were singing the never ending song until they met us.
we sang 32 times!!! omg..can see how fast they were.
lolx. then they saw us singing then they walked away. idiot!
haas. then we stopped singing.
ah zhou like want to buy flip flops.
but like no nice 1s. then we went down to the 1st level.
there got a few big circles on the ground.
then the guys ask us to stand in the circles while they took photos.
lolx. then we just stand there pose pose, play play.
then we did dumb things. haas. but it was quite fun.
managed to have some quality fun time.
after doing all these stuff, we walked to dhoby ghout the Fish & Co.
people are just aiming at my PPP. [poor pathetic pimple.]
haas. nvm..!!! i tolerate!! let u all suan.
walked over there have to wait. then we just took photos at the LOVE sign there.
had our rhythm game. i just dont have sense of rhythm and i sucks at it!!!
haas. look stupid at that moment. T_T
then that idiot sotong just bang my head onto dorys head. as she was lying on my shoulder.
my poor ear..so innocent. haas. nvm..next time u get it from me!!
went to makan. wah. damn full sia.
haix. then heard something. abit bu shuang.
but. haas. forget it man. just pretend nothings wrong.
then all went home. i abit tired. so nv take the train with the rest to marina bay.

im hurt by what you said.
but you didnt realised. never mind.
maybe this is what you should not know about.

did you meant what you said?
should i just let it go?
what should i do?
im crying. but do you know?
what should i do to make you realise my presence?

[keeping feelings within me]

2007-04-28T00:43:00.000+08:00

WHOOpeddooo~~
im back!!
yesterday had meeting. omg.
its like everything just BOM on me loe.
got alot of things to do!! omg!!
we lack of time!!!! haix..so have to get things done as soon as possible loe.
then i got a huge headache after the meeting.
its like im going to die!!!
then walked to sports complex more jia lat.
sit in ahad's office the sofa there.
then move in to sick bay. to lie down on the bed.
the bed not bad lar. is those patient bed loe. lolx.
the room cold lar. wearing a jacket also cold loe.
then yang peii me in the sick bay. he doing his Rj,
cracking his brain. haas. the question a bit dots lar. ask him to make up a problem statement.
lolx nvm. then he play his music while i sleep.
wahh!! then can hear dory they all from the office lar.
shouting and blasting the music. faint!!
then that ahad also lar!!! keep going in and out of the office. the door bom like no 1 biz!!
make me so uncomfortable.!! somemore ask me rest at sickbay.
while he create noise pollution!! haas. =X
then 9 plus they do finish liao. then they asked us to pack up.
we left. ahad sent me home. ya. right below the block.
after i did my rj, i bathed and just went to slp.
damn tired.

today, problem statement is about venn diagram.
hmm...can say easy after understanding. but difficult when u dont understand the
addictive rule. yes! the addictive rule hor know liao seems quite fun. lolx.
the faci at first abit demanding lar, then dont quite like.
but her method of teaching is so much better!!
and actually we really learnt through that method.
hope she would be our faci for the module.
although its a bit stress. okie not abit. quite alot.
haas. but its some how okie.
then after class went to the class beside yang and mookie's class to watch movie.
wasnt really watching. was rather busy spamming mails and replying peoples' questions
then finished everything, watched the movie. damn blur and bored.
so i just sat down there stone. then slpt.
until yang, zhen yuan, raymond and hong came.
then we all went off to makan.
went KFC to makan. some things happen.
dont wish to elaborate. but things are fine lar.
actually going home de. but last minute. went to see winnie's student.
so went to woodlands CC to see the students.
see them sparring, training .
seems so zai!! haas. got a cute girl girl, her eyes big big..
Geee. then watched until 9 plus. went to take bus.
wah..the bus hor. damn FREAKING cold lar!
breathe hor got fog come out de loe. can see how cold it is?!
SBS!! lolx.. soon got home liao. throat still hurts. sad.

can you please kindly tell me what u thinking?
haix. i tired of playing your guessing games.
>.< things u did, are quite different at times.
short term person you are. =/
what should i do? go ahead with it? or forget it?
How i wish That was You.

2007-04-25T21:23:00.000+08:00

there is no lesson today
but i still went to school to have lunch with the rest.
after lunch, went to the library to slack.
while winnie is grumbling about her $300+ and studying
how can she study like that? faints.
i saw ah gong, then asked him into the room.
he came to reformat his laptop. seems that his laptop kana virus.
sad case~ dont sad.. i give u songs. haas.
soon, hm came. she left class early.
then ah gong need to go off to do something.
peck then appeared. lolx.
after awhile, she went off with mookie to get her laptop back.
the rest just stayed in the room to watch Ong Bak?
is that the show? haas. think so.
so sad lar!!! the elephant!!! >.<
i nv cried, just got some tears nia.
got a security guard came in and confiscated the poker cards.
teddy hong and zhen yuan was playing with it mar.
then she say cannot use the projector except its for studying or with facilitator.
dumb loe. then put there for what?! no 1 use we use loe.
we got pay money for all these facilities de hor. idiot!
somemore ask us go read up the handbook loe.
yar. if we have time, we would do more useful things other than studying the student handbook!
forget it. then we left the library, theres lightning.
its such a chore to walk to causeway sia.
then heard a story, a girl standing in the middle of the field.
it was raining and theres lightning.
then she kana struck, cause shes wearing a wire bra. -_-
the lightning cause her heartbeat to stop 5 secs and she died.
story adapted by yang.
so what is the morale of the story? dont know? ask him. =_=
we went to food court to eat.
dory and i bought chao guo tiao to makan.
she want to save money, while i want to eat.
so we share loe. then eat liao chat awhile
then go home loe. nth much also.
im just bored. so prevent myself from thinking too much again.
is to do anything. anything to keep my mind working to stop thinking nonsense.
haas. nonsensical right?
wahahas...going to do other things liao..bye!!

2007-04-25T16:19:00.000+08:00

whoopeedoo~~
i got a song from a friend,爱转角

我伪装着,不露痕迹的
想在你身边,静静的陪着看着天边
骑着单车.往前行进着
某个路口.爱在等着
你往前走.不回头看了
记忆的笑脸.缓缓的敲着我的琴键
我不舍得.让你孤单单的
我爱你的.心牵挂着
一直想跟你说.幸福不再溜走
在下一个路口幸福哭着说
心不再拼命跺.不去害怕结果
下个路口你会看见爱.有美丽笑容
爱转角遇见了谁.是否不让你流泪
爱转角以后的街.能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁.是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解.让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪.不让你掉眼泪
现在永远.你就是我.就是我的美

心不再拼命跺.不去害怕结果
假设有个以后.你会怎么说
一直想跟你说幸福不再溜走
下个路口.你会看见爱.有美丽笑容

爱转角遇见了谁.是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街.能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁.是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解.让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪.不让你掉眼泪
现在永远.你就是我.就是我的美

爱转角遇见了谁.是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街.能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁.是否不让你流泪
将寂寞孤单作陪.让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪.不让你掉眼泪
现在永远.你就是我.就是我的美

like this song. ^^

2007-04-25T01:03:00.000+08:00

whoopeedo~~
slp early yesterday. cause got sore throat
no 1 to chat to. cause everyone seems not in the mood.
so i shall just shuud up.
watch 1 episode of Goong then went to bed.

woke up around 7am. just slpt through.
then had a quick but clean bath.
slowly walked to the mrt station.
cause i know i wont be the last to reach.
i reached mrt station, dory smsed me
peii me chat. then winnie smsed me that she not joining cause she just woked up.
haas. then soon dory reached. then yang reached.
and got 1 bloddy indian guy!! KNS!! stand right beside me to smoke! i was freaking pissed!!
just feel like slapping him upside down left right left!!
then i moved away, then got another indian guy walked to the right side of the field to spit!!
WOW!! that shows how CONSIDERATE singaporeans are...
talking about cleaniness and health. doesnt seems to have any use at all.
pissed me off early in the morning. shitty starting.
then walked to school, to meet peck leng and mookie..the lovey dovey couples.
they went early to school to loan laptops.
walked to W4 to wait for them as well as eat our breakfast.
ate hotdog for breakfast. lolx
had a sucky but easy problem statement.
just dont like the faci. damn naggy!!!! any questions?! omg..!!
she said that a million times!!!
haix.. then quite stress during a part. cause i dont know what to do.
and im quite confused about what they are trying to do.
but ah gong helped me quite a bunch!! thanks ah gong!! treat u drink coffee..on thurs.
after sch, i went to the booth.
as usual, im the first. lolx.
then winnie came by, cause she was freezing cold.
also dont know how to ask me take jacket to her!! haix..
angry and sayang her at the same time.
shes too tired to argue with me. then forget it. both kept quiet.
then she sit on the floor lie on my knee to slp as im sitting on a chair.
soon, more and more people come liao. then my throat pain like hell..
haix. but still need to talk. reminds me of TIBO times.
but this time no pay take de. lolx..
after SLA ends, packed everything up, then went to the store.
went for dinner after that. went to macs.
yar. smart me. eating macs despite sore throat.
thats so helping.
and its killing me now.!!! T_T
after eating. went to take bus home.

happening. are those true? >.<
how i wished they were true.

2007-04-22T22:23:00.000+08:00

There’s no limit to learn unless you limit yourselves to learning.

this is the quote that i found in some file while browsing.
cause the stupid internet damn unstable.
then i bo liao go browse the archery folder.
thats motivating. haas at least to me?
lolx.
found someone abit weird.
but just have to remember I F S.
haas. i think just the both of us know ba. or more?
who knows?
had been slping the whole day. then wake up watch tv.
then too sian. go back to slp again.
but the weather damn hot!!
sweat lar. then keep waking up after dozing off awhile.
irritating. >o<
got a call from mum, ask me go 85 there makan dinner.
i bath liao call my bro wake up. then we went over.
went there eat rice with soup nia. the rest like not appetizing.
so never eat much.
then took uncle's car to woodlands.
nothing much happen today lar..
today is just a slack day, dont even know how to spend my sundays.
lolx. so sort of think abit here and there.
but it seems that i think too much again.
Gee. well thats me..
lolx.. i want that to happen again. but will it?
>.< waiting...............

2007-04-22T00:40:00.000+08:00

WhooPee!!!!
today woke up by a stupid sms sent by yang.
7.26!!!! im still freaking slping lar!
my alarm haven ring sia...
then went back to slp for awhile.
woke up liao saw my dad.
he told me his stomach not feeling well. then i asked him.
but he dont want to say anything! dumb. nvm. his check up date coming soon.
haas. then went to bath. then prepare liao then rush out liao.
so late liao, peck leng nv sms me. so i think she wouldnt be coming ba.
on the bus, at about 8 plus ar, received a msg from yang say that he reach liao.
-_- so early for what?! we meeting at 9am sia.
haas..hes too dumb lar. then reach liao go mac find him. see him slping.
then raymond, zhen yuan teddy khai winnie one by one come.
haas. then went up to mrt station there to wait for dory and hm.
went to kopitiam to eat our breakfast.
eat until 10 then we walked to school.
reach the sports complex liao. took all the things stuff out.
and started spraying, drawing, coloring, pasting.
doing whatever we were supposed to do lar.
do until dont know what time. we ordered canadian pizza to makan.
i was busy coloring the protest board. but my brush spoil..
so i guess its time for me to eat ba. lolx
then went to wash my hands, take the pizza and eat.
i ate 2. like so greedy hor. but is nobody want to eat like that loe.
=X haas. then i slowly eat while i see the rest playing soccer. yes!
where we were painting!!
lolx. i ate liao then i started work. cause i dont want to play soccer.
i scare i slip and fell. cause i had been hurting myself these few days.
then i sat there and told them i trust them!! not to hit me.
so while i was painting halfway, a ball flew towards me and hit my right cheek!
AHAD!!!! yes! its him..the culprit!
lolx. but nvm lar.
see him help us SOSOSOSOSO much!!
thats nothing lar. haas
then they stopped playing and get to work liao.
we continued until very late!
>.< until 8pm!!
we packed and put the board together.
Phewww..~~ lucky we finished it! just for the decorating nia.
^^ was happy.
then waited for ahad, then we went for dinner!!!
yes. he drove!! wahaha!! so shiok!!
sat in his car, open the window!! the WIND!!!
damn freaking shiok sia!! i like the feeling.
its ssooooo NICE!!
went to sembawang. dont know what lane lar.
what "not straight" sembawang.
lolx. the "not straight" is malay word.
order nasi briyani, lentong(bone marrow) nasi goreng mee soto noodles chicken wings fries
yar. thats so much food! lolx. didnt managed to finish all but yar we ate quite alot.
dory kept kana own by ahad sia. LOL
so funny!! and its winnie and yang first time eating the bone marrow.
haas. ahad teach they all eat ar. damn funny. lolx.
then when we were done, saw a summon guy past by.
the 1 who always give summon de lar.
lolx. ahad kana sia. >..< 3 points deducted!! Sorry Ahad~!!
we had a great time sia!! lolx. its so fun lar.
ahad is such a nice guy, give us drinks, help us print things,find things. spray things.
omg!! such a resourceful guy..lolx..
anyways, thanks Ahad! and we did a great job in doing the protest board and everything else!
^^ today is a tired yet happy day!!!!

things that you did are always so surprising.
never expected that. but still.. ^^

2007-04-20T00:42:00.000+08:00

Inhale* Exhale*
whoopeedo!!
today class is damn slack!!!
inventory management! haas. hope its just stays as easy always.
went back to class, just went randomly surf the net.
and i got shows from classmates.
haas. GoongS. Seven was acting in that show.
got time then i watch loe. lolx.
then koop pursuit of happyness also.
then presentation ended quite early.
fac was saying that there were people who are not paying attention.
lolx. it cant be me. as im presenting. >.<
but which means we didnt get their attention.
dont know is good or bad sia. -_-
then was slacking in the class watching the GoongS.
cause the rest like haven finish like that.
then winnie came and find me. -_-
thought she went to north pole loe.
come my class so long meh?!
then it was already 4.25pm.
we were meeting at 4.30pm
haas. smart ar? lolx.
then reach there. not all the people were there.
then switch to a bigger space behind.
soon, talking about the SLA thing.
helping and stuff. gotta help out in decoration tmr.
we got our Archery booth at Agora Hall 4. right at the corner.
sad sia. but at least we got a booth. should be grateful.^^
after talking about SLA, talked about committee.
Xiong is the president.
Winnie is the Vice-President.
Me is the secretary.
Dory is the Treasurer.
and Raymond and Zhen Yuan is the logistics.
logistics -ist = Logic . Just use logic think can le. adapted by someone.
haas. crapster. -_-

im sorry for the hurt that i caused you.
we end up hurting each other just because we dont want to hurt each other.
how amusing that can be.
the truth may hurts. but the lies u made hurts as well.
might as well just speak the truth.

2007-04-19T13:27:00.000+08:00

too lazy to get online yesterday night.
so spent my night lying on the comfy sofa to slack.
was watching taiwan variety show.
practically spent my hours watching the television.
then watched CSI. the hollywood homocide.
not bad lar. but my idiotic brother switched the channel.
damn him. had to switched the channel.
then forget it.
things cropped up and i felt so unwell.
so went back to my room. lie on my bed.
things got worse, and i stopped all the conversations that i had.
im becoming more and more unlike me.
i mean the old me. i'm becoming more and more selfish. a stupid dumb fool.
haix. gotta let things go. "na de qi fang de xia" gotta learn from this.
heart broke into pieces again.
Angelynn!! just let it go!!
it doesnt matter that much!! okie?! free it from your hand!

then this morning went to mac to have breakfast.
was late for lesson. lucky the philip haven start the class yet.
todays class was quite slack. we all just chiong the ppt then went for lunch.
then after that slack again. -_-
hate that. cause it means i got time to think about stupid stuff.
P.S: ah zhou, ur imagination too creative liao.
dont think too much ar. later go crazy then u know. haas

2007-04-18T14:21:00.000+08:00

im feeling terrible.
you asked me if im alright.
im not alright. but i dont have the courage to tell u that im not okie.
things had already happen till like this.
maybe its my fault. that i brought this up upon myself.
no. not only myself. but to you too.
all these nonsensical thoughts just came up.
you deprived yourself from that chance.
and you asked me to help you.
have you ever thought of my feelings?
the feeling of hurting you.
Do you know that i dont wish to see you hurt like you dont wish to see me hurt.
and your asking me to help u.
how funny is it.
different kind of thoughts just came up randomly.
its like breaking a heart. and then you came to me and say sorry.
and tried to piece it back.
stop saying sorry. it cant make the cracks go away or disappear.
im supposed to pretend nothing happen.
but i couldnt.
there are too many thoughts and thinkings in my mind.
for once. i wished i never know anyone.
people are selfish dont they?
you could say that im very selfish.
as i just want myself to be happy.
yesterday night is a torment for me.
real torment.
i dont even know how to face this torment.
as its too much for me to take.
all those talking make no sense to me after i reviewed them.
as no 1 is listening.
who am i talking to? myself?
of course it makes no sense if no 1 is listening.
lost trust. almost lost everything.
i dont know how to trust people once more.
i had no 1 to talk to.
i fell down again.
will i stand up this time?
who knows.....

deeply hurt.

2007-04-17T11:55:00.000+08:00

mind in a whirl.
was screaming at someone dear to me.
im sorry.
i seems to gone bonkers.
cursing and swearing like its the end of the world.
its been long that i had been cursing and swearing.
sort of relieved.
but yet.
its weird for me to react so big after i told her that.
it isnt normal aint it.
but the feeling is weird. just unable to tolerate.
and i had been swearing at myself. o.O
dumb me eh.
didnt slp until very late.
6am woke up to wake yang up to meet later for breakfast. . but went back to slp.
but my stupid alarm never snooze!!!
make me wake up at 6.50am!!
im supposed to call at 6.15am!!!
haix. then called. no 1 picked up. thought he woke up to bath le.
but NO. hes still slping!! that pig!!! after i bath i called again. praying he woke up le.
unfortunately. he just woke up. -_-
i failed! to wake him up on time for breakfast! nevermind. thursday try.
haas. promised something~ so must do it. >.<
the thing hope its going on fine. nvm shall discuss it later. when everyone settle down liao.
^^ anyways. im going to have lunch!!~~

2007-04-16T12:50:00.000+08:00

first day of school.
as usual went to school with laptop and stuff.
but this year, im year 2 le.
not as scared as the other time when i first entered my first class.
felt weird instead. looking at the new faces in the class.
things haven changed.
having the FMT, first breakout.
then second meeting then breakout.
then went to the sports hall to get things.
position of people are different.
mookie and peck, ah zhou and hm are all together.
haas. although know that they were together, but still, maybe not used to it ba.
guess it still takes time to digest and get used to it?
today didnt join them for lunch.
after taking things, went back to my class le.
didnt expect my team mates to settle liao.
i got nothing to contribute sia. got a freaking hour to spend.
guess i will blog then understand the stupid cost decision thing.

yesterday was also a freaking boring day for me.
woke up. wash up. read book. then watched television.
then finally decided to go out.
went out to the beach.
sent out a few sms, then i off my phone.
smart move eh? long time never off my phone liao.
watched the waves. went to walk and found shells.
reminded of something. i shall use 1 word to describe. pathetic.
yeap yeap. then took a bus out of there. went home.
had a bath. slack my way through. until 9pm then took a bus to woodlands.
dont like to use laptop when im there. the connection sucks.
but no choice. still have to bear with it.
i asked winnie a few questions.
its making me even worse. i feel like tearing myself apart.
images keep appearing. things that i arent suppose to be so concerned.
i think things are abit weird. i sense alittle weird.
but i dont know what that weird is all about.
i wished to ask you. "are u willing to be the shoulder that is always for me to lean on?
the hand that is always willing to reach out for me?"
yeah. that is a wish. nevermind. let this be a dream for me then.

hopelessly falling into a pit.
when will u realise that im always there? Sigh~

2007-04-14T01:14:00.000+08:00

Woot!!
we are done with all those 'coolies' jobs.
and those 'sai kung' jobs.
haas. sad until so sad like that.
but it was fun. particularly the last 2 days.
having lots of fun playing with masking tapes. scotchtapes.
and MUD in the field!! omg!
that sucks abit.
i lazy to say out all sia.
we went to sch late. and haas. ah Had nag abit. then asked us to pack out the bottles.
sian sia. we pack the goodies bags then now we have to unpack.
damn idiot sia. but nvm lar. unpack then unpack loe.
lolx. then after unpacking. we went up to move the platform down.
and something happened.
when we were moving the trolley into the lift with the platforms.
the god damn freaking platform slides and BUA my hand!!
and there goes my skin! pain sia!!
damn numb at that moment lar. hand shivering. T-T
but i still dont quite bother. i tolerate. then move the trolley to a corner.
then after that went to help take food to the collection area. but didnt do much.
cause all done by the rest liao.
then went to get plaster. Gary went to get and put antiseptic cream for me.
haas. Thanks Gary. ^^
then went to find the rest at the agora halls.
then keep walking here and there.
nothing to do. then went to ka jiao STA students. lolx.
then after awhile go do things liao.
pack the tables and chairs. haas. tiring but fun!
then soon we went for the talk. we damn disturbing sia.
we did the SAS cheer in the theater. lolx.
hmm...the movie was not bad. quite interesting.
there are parts where i doze off. but i still get the point. haas
then after the movie ended. it was still early.
we just camped outside the theater to slack. haas.
then yang teaching us the hakka dance.
damn funny lar. make us laugh non-stop.
then got a guy. came to demonstrate hakka!! woot! damn ZAI...
haas. the voice is damn loud lar.
soon, we went back to have our dinner and the party starts le!!
cool lar! then slack and slack in the briefing room.
continue start work loe. went to clean up the sports hall.
then dont know who start the face painting.
and we all got to do it on each other face.
we chased yang from the sports complex to the agora side there!
his stamina damn good!! gan bai xia fong.
then bua him liao. we continue to bua all the OSG people face!
haas. so fun!! alot of running here and there.
but another accident happened!
i grab wei lin. but got 1 case blocked me. and i fall. which causing her to fall!
and her elbow kana. BLED!! im sorry weilin!! >.<
didnt know she was hurt until some girl told me.
then went around finding her. but cant find her.
all the while i had been buaing my hand loe! T-T
pain pain. no 1 sayang.
then got things to do le. which is to set out to the muddy field and throw rubbish away.
like cleaners loe!! faint! but nvm..they better give us more CE points!!
do so much work!! haas.
then once again. i stepped onto chopstick sticking on the ground.
today bad friday. which is so not the day for me!
haas. eyes are closing le. SLEEP!! tmr still got bbq. so going to die!!
lolx..

2007-04-11T22:44:00.000+08:00

whoopeedo~
was abit tired today.
so when doing stuff. wasnt that enthu.
but still managed to stay awake and continue to do stuff.
haas. in the morning as usual reach sch late.
after having our breakfast at the kopitiam.
theres me, peck, yang, winnie, dory, hm and teddy.
the rest meeting in school.
walk here walk there nothing to do sia.
nv do much work also. today slack quite alot.
haas. as normal, the rest are crapping alot. and playing with scotchtape.
it seems that dory had an accident with the scotchtape.
haas. poor dory.
today end quite early. and yet we didnt do much.
lolx. we got our T-shirt. cool!
then after de-brief, we went to meet up with ah zhou and went to have dinner.
hes going to take his contact lenses or something.
yar. so we went to Mac to eat. didnt bring money >.<
so borrow money from winnie. sad case.
then ate le. crapped while eating. haas routine lar.
then after eating, went out of causeway. ah zhou smoking.
theres 2 person dancing. and 1 person instructing. haas.
make the rest laugh lar. lolx..
then went over to talk to peck and ah zhou.
soon, all went home seperately le.
went to take bus. then reach peck house that bus stop.
alight le then walked back home.
woot!! the sky is damn dark. damn cool to walk. but there isnt much wind.
what a pity. along the way there isnt a single person.
only cars passing by nia. listen to my music.
actually wasnt concentrating on my songs.
in fact was thinking alot in my mind.
was thinking through. alot of things.
then reaching home le. decided not to think le.
tmr going to enjoy myself!! haas. the singing part.
but not quite the dancing part. lolx..

2007-04-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

whoopedoope...
helping out for FOP ba..isit?
lolx..think so. woot!! going to have T-shirt.
wahaha!!
hmm...today did singing..lolx..
didnt realise RP has a school song..lolx..
a song that never ends. lolx..cool!!
then did a war cry!! lolx..
have to do the hakka thingy..so weird! damn weird..
then we had to learn how to dance the kuku dance..
idiot! dont wish to learn. damn dumb lar..
then after the dance. the facs asked for volenteers.
and all of us sabo yang.
haas. he went up and shout the war cry. damn funny lar. all keep laughing. wahaas.
then after that we went to have our lunch. today lunch not bad lar.
better than yesterdays.
today i quite quiet lar. never crap much either.
just doing what i need to do. and making myself busy.
then after doing all the packings and sticking of the signs for schools.
went back to have de-brief.
marked our attendance. then we took our leave.
tmr need to reach sch at 10.
after de-brief. went to sit down awhile. then after that went to causeway.
went to food court to eat. along the way the rest are singing the song.
haas. cute sehs. then i listen to my music..
throat feels weird. but still went to eat sambal chicken cutlet.
my soup is destroyed by some itchy butt hand. -_-
but it doesnt taste much different. so i cant be bothered.
then after that went for a walk. stayed at the vcd shop for quite some time.
soon, we left the shop and left causeway.
then went seperate ways with dory and hwee min.
mookie peck and me took 161 with yang.
i dont wish to go home early so..just take loe.
then after that reach sengkang le. yang bought smelly tofu.
my stomach already weird le. still ask me eat. but also nv eat finish.
after eating, took bus home. mookie sending peck home.
make me look so extra nia. so i just moved to another corner to sit.
haas. then alighted. thinking of walking home from peck house.
but on the way, my dad saw me. then he stopped his car. and called me.
then i board his car and went home.
my walk home!!!~~~ haix..nvm...theres tmr..!! haas..

2007-04-10T00:31:00.000+08:00

heii heii...im baack to update my blog...
today is just a tired tired dayy...
masking tape...Zzzzz....
abit sick of it le.
had a bit of thinking when taking a small break while helping out.
thinking about myself.
whether its true or not.
i think im going to go bonkers sooner or later.
too much thinking le.
yar. bang my head on the wall. or just slap myself.
but i think i wont do those 2. but will do the other thing.
thats the 2nd time i heard that.
mere concern or what?
lolx. too dumb to understand.
nvm.. today papa bdae Happy bdae Papa! ^^
although always have arguements. but there were happy times too.
haas. i do remember okies?
hm..today winnie went to chalet.
but she did msg to ask about hows the helping going on.
just told her its tiring. haas. hope she enjoyed her chalet.

2007-04-08T18:36:00.000+08:00

hmm..haven been blogging le....
so shall blog now ba..yesterday saw peck and mookie holding hands.
woot~~ congrats!! haas.
and we celebrated wan ting advanced birthday!!
haas..water bomb. flour bomb! wahaha. so cool lar.
cool is cool. but when holding wanting down. i kana quite a few..
sian..=_= haas..but nvm...get wet nia~~ was under the rain. so..haas..doesnt matter.
we lighted the candle on the chocolate cake. then after wanting blew out, we light it again.
lolx..cause we didnt have the relightable candles.
so manual de loe..haas. so fun lar..
OH ya..almost forgot the part..!! wanting was eating her cake.
then yang went to ka jiao her. =_= make her drop the cake on the floor and make it inedible.
so SMART. haas. then khai went to pick up the cake. EWW..so nua..then passed to hm i think.
then she went to bua on yang face. haas. for her revenge.
and yangs reaction is so funny and horrible!!! lolx..just kept on laughing..~~~
should have taken a photo. lolx..!! or rather video...~
following on is using 1.5L bottles to pour/splash on peps.
haas. i just sat there. want to pour pour loe. haas. im already soaked with water. lolx.
dont have the energy to chase people. haas.
then see people run here and there carrying the bottles. ready to splash anyone.
then dont know how people run de..slipper can spoil 2 times..~
then they cont playing..nth to do. then just help yang fixed his slippers loe.
thumb pain~~ >o<>o< then reach causeway point le. went foodcourt to eat. was seperated to 2 tables.
was quite quiet on my side. while the other side. haas. as usual noisy dory was there.
haas!!! then after eating went to bookshop cause wan ting wanted to go.
then all went..after that all went home. then yang and me went to take bus.
he peii me queue at 168 there.
hey there..~ cheer up..haas. and thanks for accompanying me. ^^

kaki got a new number le!! wee..can talk to him le..wahaha..happy.
but he like quite busy..haas...nvm...
recently got a song.like quite a bunch. Gee.

There's a new wind blowin' like I've never known.
I'm breathin' deeper than I've ever done.
And it sure feels good, to finally feel the way I do.
I wanna love somebody,
Love somebody like you.

An' I'm lettin' go of all my lonely yesterdays.
I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made.
Now there's just one thing, the only thing I wanna do, mmm,mmm.
I wanna love somebody,
Love somebody like you.

Yeah, I wanna feel the sunshine,
Shinin' down on me and you.
When you put your arms around me,
You let me know there's nothing in this world I can't do.

I used to run in circles goin' no-where fast.
I'd take, uh, one step forward and two steps back.
Couldn't walk a straight line even if I wanted to, mmm, mmm.
I wanna love somebody,
Love somebody like you.

Whoa here we go now!

Yeah, I wanna feel the sunshine,
Shinin' down on me and you.
When you put your arms around me,
Well, baby there ain't nothing in this world I can't do.

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand,
But you're teachin' me to be a better man.
I don't want to take this life for granted like I used to do, no,no.
I wanna love somebody,
Love somebody like you.

I'm ready to love somebody,
Love somebody like you. Oooh.

An' I wanna love somebody,
Love somebody like you, yeah.

Oh yeah.
Oh, I wanna be the man in the middle of the night,
Shinin' like it's true.
I wanna be the man that you run to whenever I call on you
When everything that loved someone finally found it's way
Wanna be a better man
I see it in you yeah...

haas. this song abit cowboii..lolx.. but not bad lar..lolx..
i like the lyrics. especially the last part. ^^ something i wanted to tell someone.

2007-04-05T23:42:00.000+08:00

feeling empty right now.
what reasons? i had no idea.
saw something today. but certainly i wish to hear from them.
haas. happy.^^
im sure im not feeling empty because of that.
but of another matter.
i hope its not happening.
definitely i dont wish it to happen.
"know what i want"?
i think i do. but its impossible to get it.
yeap. so i must refrain.
yes. refrain.
but i wonder if its too *******
i hope its not.
i just want it to be normal. but it seems that im not acting like 1!!!
omg..!! what the hell is happening to me..?!?!?!
arr......help..!! im feeling awful.
im weird!!!
*thinking in process*
okie..i sort of know why is that im feeling.
and this is something that someone say.
yar. but i dont wanna admit. yeap. NO WAY am i admitting.
control!! noo...not control.. hide!! yes.!! HIDE....
although it might be alittle suffering..but yar. think it would be worth it.
*exhale* >o<

nvm...shall leave it.

2007-04-05T00:40:00.000+08:00

woke up early in the morning.
went to admiralty to get bball from winnie.
the took bus to sengkang.
cause we all going to yangs' house.
to have movie marathon. but most of us are not staying over.
only wanting winnie and dory are staying over.
alot of things happen. pillow fight. playing piano.
haas. i just can say that i keep washing the dishes today.
but okie lar. washing dishes is the only thing that i can help out.
haix...today is a good day to emo lei...sudden urge to go to beach.
maybe tmr i will be going. to throw stones.

2007-04-04T01:22:00.000+08:00

i cant believe my eyes
this is happening to someone i love dearly.
tears are falling.
i didnt realise that this is happening to you.
dont wish to say much.
i just feel sad.
hopeless.useless that i cant do anything to help u or the others overcome.

2007-04-02T20:07:00.000+08:00

there is training today.
first day of the week. Monday.
maybe planning to do something tmr.
but i wanted to go to beach. sudden urge to go there.
maybe just go there emo awhile.
see how tmr goes.
people are acting weird...
haix. how can i cheer them up?
maybe its their problem ba.
cant make it my problems.
cause i had my own. i had to solved mine before i can help others.
hmm...so i shall solve my problems first.
my parents are coming back.
so think will stop quarreling with my bro for the moment.
and i suppose i would have more freedom.

i said once. when im ready i would tell u.
but i dont know when will it be.

somethings happened.
i want a shoulder to lean on....
whose shoulder could let me lean on?
i really wished to cry.
do i have no rights at all?
maybe i dont have any.
i feel sad. the pain is there.
whatever i do. the pain still lingers there.
but do u know?
have u ever thought about what i think about the things u did?
maybe im not important at all ba.
have you ever appreciated me?
i really wonder. i felt really hopeless when i cant help u.
i approached u but u just leave me hanging there.
not pushing me away nor giving me a change to help u.
what do u want me to do?
all the things i did. was meant nth to u.
maybe thats the conclusion i can get.
*12* they are for u... nobody would ever knows what they meant.
the thing i gave u. is here with me. u had forgotten all about it.
im back to the space i had to myself. Only me.
no one could hurt me then...
i had this thinking. "since i want people to be happy. why not i disappear?
people might be happy without me"

2007-03-31T16:39:00.000+08:00

today sucks sucks sucks.
feeling suckier. haix.
yesterday quarrelled with bro.
couldnt slp at night. keep flipping around. then went to slp around 5 plus.
woke up at 9..reach school around 10 plus ba.
stomach giving me probs. think my stomach flu is back to kill me.
but i also nv care so much. just continue shooting.
played a round of match. woahh..i like statue like that.
so sad lar. my team is like just khai and raymond playing nia.
maybe i not enough slp then sort of quite pek chek of what happen.
but i rest liao. then went to shoot.
damn tired. my elbow something wrong. whatever.
then bball keep hitting my arms. both..~~
sian. after playing bball. all of us went to bath.
im the first to come out. i just lied on the sofa to take a nap.
then bro called me. once again. we quarreled.
CAN HE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
whats wrong with him!!! i told him i will be home in the evening le..
keep calling and calling!!!
im tired of quarrelling with him le.
then when we reach 7-11 he called again.
whats wrong with him and his calls?!?!
shit him lar!! i just kept quiet. until he hang up on me.
sick and tired. parents are coming back tmr or the day after tmr.
not so sure. haix..when they are around i had more freedom.
then walked to causeway. i had no appetite at all. and i had no mood.
so i went home. dont want to affect other people who were feeling alright.
not feeling good. im not okie. definitely not okay.
so? haas. theres nothing to do except to accept the fact.
thats what im trying to do.

2007-03-30T23:36:00.000+08:00

today starting is not a good 1.
as im slping in my parents rm. then in the morning carry my stuff back to my room.
then something terrible happen!!
my charger fell..nvm..picked it up....
then!! my laptop fell!!! right on my TOE!!!
i just screamed!! freaking hell..
the corner of my laptop fell on my toe...
hurt like hell lar..damn sad..
it just doesnt hurt if i dont bend my toe.
then slowly walked to bus stop to go to sch.
cause they say they were going to screen movie.
but while on my way to woodlands.
yang called and asked me want to go peck hse watch anot.
i was like grrr..!! nvm..okie loe..anything.
then went to woodlands. met up with winnie, dory and yang.
went to eat KFC then took a bus to peck house.
while waiting for the bus.
yang suggested that we play role-playing.
im 'everyone' dory is 'Noone' winnie is 'someone' and yang is 'anyone'
haas. and we had to say like a third party.
this is how we spent our journey to tampanies crapping.
we talked and laugh like no1 biz lar..
people stare also dont care. and my stomach ache like hell. -_-
dont know whats wrong with me this few days.
stomach keep giving me probs.
then reached peck house.
watched cello. -_- another dumb show like the host.
basket! waste my time. then watched robinhood.
the sound ar. soft like kns loe..
then going to doze off le loe.
finally we gave up. and i went to play piano.
played tong hua. front part nia. the other part difficult. >.<
then after playing. got a little tired then went back to the sofa to nua~~
haas. the pillow damn nice to hug sia.
then almost fell asleep while the rest playing ps2.
peck was waiting for her mum and the rest are just wasting time.
after we left, went to century square.
the food court nv sell halal food. then walked to the food court at the inter.
but there also nv sell halal food. dots!! how come the food court in tam nv sell halal food!!
omg!! then in the end walked until Prime there. faint lar.
end up eating indian food.
makan mutabak,4 plain pratas,mutton briyani,chicken briyani
haas.thats what we ate.
i eat until damn full lar.
i eat 1 plain prata and 2 slice of mutabak. feel full liao..
but have to eat quite alot.
so squeeze loe. lolx.
then walked dory to mrt. then winnie go to the toilet.
then i walked yang to his bus stop and i crossed the bridge to my bus stop
then reached home. once again. quarrelled with my bro with some nonsensical stuff.
did somethings that i shouldnt have done.
but anyways. its over.

2007-03-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

did i done something i shant do today?
would i regret if i nv did it today?
i dont know what to say.
it seems different to me.
okie. this is the question i asked.
am i really helping or just being useless.
they said in some way, im helping.
but i felt useless, no..rather hopeless.
i dont feel any thing that helps.
i rather feel more of me causing the uneasiness.
the feeling just came.
had been feeling this all along.
they knew it. they said i helped.
but i just. had no control over my emotions.
u named it, i had it.
anger, useless, jealous , happy, sad?
i had.
so what if i had?
its useless. meaningless.
these feelings are bottled within me.
ITS DIFFERENT!!
i kept telling myself that.
but it doesnt helps.
i just felt stupid.
ridiculously stupid.
serious. im of no help to anyone.

kaki lost his phone.
he called to tell me that.
suprised that he memorized my number.
gotta survived through all these days without his sms company.

all these that i had done.
are u touched?
or its just something that u dont even bother?
never mind. it doesnt matter that much anyways.

2007-03-28T00:53:00.000+08:00

should i say today was a great or bad day?

started off by sending off my family at the airport.
after eating breakfast with them.
then after that went over to mookie house to meet up with peck and mookie.
then reach le. damn hot. went to mookies' room to take a nap.
his room is damn freaking cold. lolx
but damn shiok. after 15 mins of nap.
woke up by mookie's "happy new year"
dumb! lolx..then he showed me and peck a video"love my lips"
lolx..so cute lar..haas.
then we went to the kitchen.while mookie is frying. me and peck is standing there.
looking at him fry the fish. lolx. felt extra~~ >.<
then taste the first 2 fish. quite tasteless.
then used butter to cook. so got abit of taste.
not bad lar. for first try.
then soon dory,winnie,hm and yang came.
but peck have to leave cause she got fyp stuff.
so mookie continued to fry his fish. while the rest of us waiting for food.
then food is ready. we all ate. joked along too.
after eating the food. went into the room to watch videos le.
haas. after watching videos. got sian and played game.
silent library!!! woot! crazy game!
first- thousand fingers [ yang kana ]
second - valley of ...... ( take a book and giab nose de ) [ me kana ]
third - pluck nose hair [ hm kana ]
fourth - use clothes peg giab nose [ yang kana again ]
fifth - use pillow whack face [ me kana again ]
sixth - flick head [ mookie kana ]
seventh - eat chilli [ dory kana ]
eighth - plastic bag [ dory kana again ]
think thats all. afterall the game is fun lar. enough for me to laugh until tear.
the game ends and started to watch movie again.
but end up not watching. and took out the scrabble and played.
then my bro smsed me. just spoiled my day!
arr..end up quarreling with him. he said mean things to me!!
mood turn out for the worst. -_- hid in the blanket. trying to slp
to forget all those nonsense. but couldnt.
then i started to tear under the blanket. gosh. didnt expect that.
-_- but that was for awhile. but mood turn to very sian.
went to BK for dinner. then after that went to playground to rest.
sat down and talked to mookie. he helped me keep my thoughts away.
asked me go find recipe. for chicken. i thought of honey chicken.
haas. cool hor. have to find.
tired day. dont know its fun or what.
time to rest.

2007-03-26T23:00:00.000+08:00

there is training today.
right after i bath. i heard thunder!
gosh. what an unlucky day.
damn. then took the umbrella got hole de.
idiot! the 3rd umbrella that i took is like that.
felt damn shitty in the early morning.
then fell aslp on the bus.
damn tired.
then walked to school.
then training as usual.
took the stands. 3 times. haas.
shoulder going to break le. but still put on a strong front.
telling myself i can do it.
haas.
today my shoulder is going to break. still abit sore from the physical training.
think i used the wrong muscle to pull again.
then after training went to causeway point to eat.
quite lot idiot things happen. that yang practically messed up my food!
idiot. and they talked crap about the pronounciation.
faint lar. then sort of pulled mookie into the convo also.
managed to pull him in and he sort of back to normal.
haas. but hes just spacing out lar. -_-
nvm..time~ he needs time. ^^
then we discuss awhile about tmr going to mookie house.
haas.randomly go there and slack. lolx..
so cool lar.~ then tmr going to the airport to send my family.
they going to hongkong~~ so sad.~ lolx...

2007-03-25T18:03:00.000+08:00

im holding out my hand.
just for u to reach out.
not only is there my hand. there are other hands too.
but found that u chose the other hand.
^^ im glad.
but at the same time i felt envious.
mixed feeling is what i can say.
i cant say out what i wanted to.
like what he did. say out that hes envious. jealous.
however, that is not going to stay long in my mind.
cause my motive is to help u.
even if i loses u.
im prepared. mentally. physically.
i dont care anymore.

guess u wont see this anyways.
sooner or later. hope u will understand why we did this.
not because we need to.
but its because we want to.
i will give u time. all the time that u want.
just dont push us away.

this is just for you. ONLY you.

smsed kaki. mood is totally down.
had slight fever yesterday. haix
recovered today. then sort of go out.
he cant meet me. but he accompanied me. spiritually.
haas. thanks. u seems to have no complaints.
but i know sometimes u get enough of my nonsense right?
haas. really grateful that u tolerated that. and keep things low. even if u dont like it.
have no idea where we heading to. seems to stuck there.
but will have a way out. ^^ have confidence in you.

2007-03-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

a day without sleep.
both of us didnt catch much sleep after what happened.
thought of not going to school for the maintenance.
but peck leng and mookie wanted to meet me, so dragged myself up to meet them
haas. but early in the morning see stunts liao.
my bus went passed the bus stop where there were supposed to be.
but they were not there. so alight at the stop then waited for them.
then saw them holding something. its a cup.
the cup that we gave peck leng for bdae present.
haas. the handle broke sia. lolx.
so sad..~ but its okie. we got it fixed. lolx.
better dont use it. put it as display ba. haas.
then went to school. and found out that yang isnt in school.
handphone off. called house. no1 picked up.
then waited for yang. but still he haven come.
then went up to watched the movie " eye 10 "
i felt dumb!! i asked peck leng to bring and i dint watch!!
idiotic me! cause was discussing about somethings.
then got real upset. but felt alright.
then found out that peck leng is missing.
so went around the school to find her.
-_- still didnt find her. instead we met up with yang to get the stuff for maintenance.
awkard is the word i can used to describe what happened.
then went on to the library. all of us started work.
then was taking the notch out. but unable to do so!!
instead. its stuck in there.
so forget it. then went up to the piano with yang.
haas. think he wanted to play. then went up to play.
first song.~ tong hua!! haas..its so nice. and he taught me how to play!
woot...cool..~ managed to catch up alittle.
second song.~ yu jian. cause hwee min wanted to listen.
haas.not bad too.~
third song.~ i choose de!! Canon in D!!!!!~ my favorite !!!
he played it with remix!!! thats just so cool!! was really happy. cause its so nice~
then fourth song.~ FF song~ haas. he got quite stress remembering how to play.
and fifth song.~ way back into love. first time playing. haas. he asked dory to find the score.
and he managed to figure the first few pieces on his own before he got the score.
and we got tired. and we went down.
i didnt managed to fletch and 1 more arrow is down!!! got 5 arrows down le!! idiot!!
only got 7 arrows. and there is no fletch glue!! omg!
fine. forget it. haas.too lazy anyway.
then went to put back the stuff in the store.
then we went to meet peck leng cause she went for the talk.
heard that it was boring and she practically slpt on the table. lolx..
then walked to causeway. went to long john silver to eat.
dread to eat there. but im hungry. so i ate fries and drank lemon tea.
quite full after eating those. then after that all went home le loe.
cause its going to rain soon~ and some people were tired ba.
tmr pt. so going to die. haix.. rest early ba.! haas.